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Query a Queer: Difference between "queer" and "gay" and heterosexism and homophobia

How are heterosexism and homophobia different? How are they harmful?

Heterosexism is the assumption that all people are heterosexual and that heterosexuality is somehow superior to non-heterosexuality. This is different from homophobia, which is an unreasonable fear towards queerness and queer people. Heterosexism works under the radar — it has encoded our culture into a two-gendered dichotomy that is set off-kilter when someone tries to deviate from the societal norm. Heterosexism is often paralleled to racism in that white privilege and heterosexual privilege are both terms that have been used to apply terms for benefits that the dominant culture experiences despite no scientific reasoning to why the minority is less deserving of those privileges. There are plenty of ways that heterosexism manifests itself in everyday life, sometimes not even in a conscious way. While you might know in your head that queer people exist, you might subconsciously assume every person you meet is heterosexual. Perhaps you were caught off guard when your coworker mentioned their same-sex partner or when you learned that your friend who has been with her boyfriend for two years has had female partners in the past. Heterosexism has taught society that it’s OK to give negative connotations to words that are typically associated with queer culture. It has created a stigma against “sissy” men or “butch” women. Heterosexism tries to exaggerate the differences between heterosexuality and queerness, all the while minimizing the uniqueness of the culture. We should be direct in our response to apparent heterosexism, strive to use gender-free language (i.e. “are you dating anyone” vs. “do you have a boyfriend?”), and as always, keep an open mind.

What exactly is the difference between “queer” and “gay”?

Answer: The term “queer” is an all-encompassing term to umbrella over any non-heterosexual, non-cisgender identity (cisgender means a person who identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth). Many groups of people choose to identify as “queer” because it’s a quick, simple, no-questions-asked term that doesn’t require going into too many details about personal preferences. For example, I would probably tell someone that I just met that I identify as queer before I try to go into all of the varying aspects of my sexual identity. Some people feel more comfortable just saying “queer” instead of defining themselves. For some people, though, the term “queer” is a slur and means strange or peculiar, so they might not like that term being used.

The term “gay” typically refers to a person who is attracted to the same sex. Some people might call themselves “gay” even if they experience attractions outside of the same sex. Some people who only experience same-sex attraction don’t like the word “gay” and would prefer to identify differently.

Labels and identities are tricky topics, so before you go around labeling someone, ask how they choose to identify first.

Jasper Shell (he, him, his) is a senior getting a B.S.S. in Music Composition in Film and is the Outreach Coordinator for the LGBT Center. 

Have questions? We have answers! Send your queries, quandaries, and questions: via email to lgbt@ohio.edu and/or oulgbtcenter@gmail.com and/or therainbowroomou@gmail.com; via Tumblr (oulgbtcenter); via Twitter to @oulgbtcenter with hashtag #qaqueer; or post/message to Facebook (oulgbtcenter).

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