Fasten your seatbelts because season 22 of The Bachelor is underway, and 36-year-old Arie Luyendyk Jr. is in the driver’s seat. New Year’s Day brought 29 new women into the race car driver’s life as he set out on his journey to find love after getting his heart broken by Emily Maynard on season 8 of The Bachelorette. Here are the top moments from the season premiere:
Raven Gates 2.0
Remember Raven, the runner-up on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor? She was the southern belle from Arkansas. Well, she told her friend Tia to apply for The Bachelor, so obviously they cast her. When she stepped out of the limo, she walked up to Arie and handed him a tiny weiner.
“Please tell me you don’t already have a little weiner,” Tia said. Arie, stop looking. You’ve found your girl.
There are four Laurens
If you have a hard time remembering names on this season of The Bachelor, don’t fret, because there are four Laurens on the show this year. So when in doubt, assume someone’s name is Lauren. It must be a requirement now. Looks like I’m changing my name to Lauren.
Everyone is so peppy
First impressions obviously matter, but some of the girls are trying way too hard. They are smiley, bubbly people — or at least pretending to be. I’ve never seen women use so many hand motions. They just need to chill a bit.
The women think he’s handsome
Age is but a number, and for the women in the house, they like the fact Arie has aged well. Most of the women are drawn to his easy-on-the-eyes looks and soft lips, but Bekah finds his locks attractive.
“He has a full head of hair,” she said.
The kissing bandit
On Emily’s season, Arie was given the nickname “The Kissing Bandit” — and one girl decided to become a bandit of her own. Annalise stepped out of the limo wearing a black mask and carrying a knapsack of kisses. She didn’t reveal her true identity until she got her one-on-one time with Arie.
Despite her goofy entrance, Arie liked how sincere she was when they started talking. This woman could possibly steal more than just kisses.
The first kiss
Though she didn’t don a costume, Brittany found another way to seal the deal and get the first kiss. She brought in two toy convertibles, and she and Arie raced. Arie’s car was obviously faster, and he even did laps around her. But in the end, he let her win. Instead of a trophy, her prize was a peck on the lips.
“His lips are like clouds,” Brittany said. “He lives up to the name 'kissing bandit.'”
The girl that’s out to cause problems
Every season has one. On Nick’s season, it was Corinne. This season, it’s Chelsea. Chelsea is the woman who will interrupt other people and complain when she gets interrupted.
Chelsea was the first to pull Arie aside, which she later regretted. So, to make up for her mistake, she went back and stole him away again.
“At the end of the day, I am not a rude person,” she said. Only rude people say that.
First Impression Rose
With the remainder of their time, Arie and Chelsea made out.
“That was nice,” he said, and he even thanked her. That’s exactly what every woman wants to hear after making out with someone. *eyeroll*
Later, he tracks her down and gives her the first impression rose, saying that her mysterious side draws him in.
“I want you to open up,” he said. “I want you to know I’m here for you.”
She’ll be gone by week 4.
Arie is more boring than Ben
If this is your first time watching The Bachelor, I promise it's not always this boring. There was another Bachelor, Ben Higgins, who was slightly less boring than Arie. If Arie was cereal, he would be Corn Flakes, and he makes Ben look like Froot Loops.
Hopefully, the girls can stir up some drama throughout the season. If not, the season might resemble a caution lap the entire time.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.