Growing up in the Akron/Canton area taught me a few important things: Swensons makes the best milkshakes, LeBron is the president of northeast Ohio and plowing snow works, but it is a terrible method of snow removal.
There probably isn’t a better way to handle snow removal. How do we know? Because if there is a better way, we would probably be doing that. Plowing isn’t even removing it; it’s just taking it and pushing it somewhere else, Patrick Star style. The method of snow plowing just crowds sidewalks, which creates a slippery, rock-like terrain for pedestrians to navigate through. Rather than a nice, smooth sidewalk, hungover millennials in Athens are forced to master the penguin waddle so they don’t fall in a klutzy glory on the way to their 9 a.m. class. (The problem is so trivial, but hey, you’ve read this far).
You could argue that melting it is better, but then that turns into water, then ice if it is less than 32 degrees Fahrenheit outside, thus creating icy roads. Hence, that idea is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. It is actually worse than plowing in almost every way except that we could maybe see heat trucks instead of snow plows. I imagine that it would still be a snow plow, but instead of the plow part, a bar of heat lamps that goes directly over the road, melting it instantly. Think of it like a fire-breathing dragon but in truck form and with no semblance to a dragon at all — it’s disappointing because dragons probably never existed, and if they did, that would be the coolest thing ever.
That leads us to why we plow snow. Why? It’s all we know, and heaven forbid we stray from the comforts of the norm or think outside of the box to fix the problem. While the fight for dragon-like trucks will never be prevalent, let’s all be thankful for the real MVP in the battle against snow: salt. That’s right: Without sodium chloride, ice would always be there. Let’s just skip the chemicals and science as to why salt melts ice and snow and just be happy that a mineral is our best friend as we travel by foot and car during the winter months.
Chuck Greenlee is a junior studying communication studies at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect those of The Post. Have you any better ideas about snow removal? Let Chuck know by tweeting him @chuck_greenlee.