The fourth episode of The Bachelorette is the strangest yet. From sumo-wrestling to sex talks, the group dates are awkward and so is the blossoming romance between JJ and Clint.
Put your seatbelts on, folks. This was one strange episode.
This season hasn’t really been following the typical ending-with-a-rose-ceremony protocol. The fourth episode opens with Kaitlyn finishing up the whole Kupah dealio from last week. He does agrees to leave, but not before saying something to the cameras about how Kaitlyn probably “just thinks he has chlamydia or something.”
How many relationships has Kupah been in that have ended because he "has chlamydia"? Seems like he's heard this before. #TheBachelorette
— J.E. Fed (@xmagis305) June 2, 2015
Plant-healer Tony then talks to the cameras about how Kaitlyn better give him a rose because, for heaven’s sake, he left his BONSAI TREES to be here! Fingers crossed they’re doing OK without him! At the rose ceremony, she does end up keeping him around (come on, producers) and sends home two pretty nice guys. Then she cries.
Well, we knew she was obligated to keep the healer for at least another week. #peoplelovecrazy #TheBachelorette
— Klaudia Hull (@KlaudiaHull12) June 2, 2015
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Group Date: Sumo Wrestling
They kick off the first group date with some good old-fashioned sumo wrestling.
Kaitlyn said she thinks it’s sexy. Um… as hot as the guys are, there is nothing attractive about a bunch of guys walking around in thong-diapers. JJ, the villain of the season, is loving it though. He says, “I love Japanese culture. I love sushi.” There are so many things wrong with what you just said, JJ.
He might just be overjoyed because he gets to flaunt his diaper in front of Clint. The two are forming a steamy bromance — but more on that later.
JJ also tries to be super tough when Tony gets upset with Kaitlyn and her “violent” group dates. Tony says he would prefer something much more peaceful, like skydiving) but it’s hard to take JJ seriously when he looks like a Rugrats character.
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Tony decides to withdraw from the competition and go home because apparently Kaitlyn’s date choices are just too “primal.” He actually says they might as well all go to the zoo and imitate animals. Bye, Tony. We’ll miss you. Hope you have a heartwarming reunion with your bonsai trees. Can someone please hook him up with Onion Ashley?
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One-on-One Date
Hunky Ben Z and Kaitlyn both get mysterious date cards from host Chris Harrison. This is unusual because Kaitlyn usually “plans” the dates. But Chris’ date plan is SUPER romantic.
Just kidding. He takes them to some house that they decorated to be haunted. They have to go through a few rooms, find some clues and crack a code. The first door contains Kaitlyn’s worst fear: birds. This is ironic because she has two birds tattooed on her arms. Hmm.
At one point, Ben Z has to stick his hand in a toilet surrounded by gigantic snakes and orange-ish toilet water for a clue…
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Unless they crack the code on time (they crack it with one second to spare – SHOCKER!), then gas will leak in the room. Sure, because producers of The Bachelorette are totally going to kill off THE BACHELORETTE.
After their nightmare date, they get to go back to Kaitlyn’s for some wine and hot tubbing. Ben gets deep with Kaitlyn about the death of his mom. He also adds that he hasn’t cried in 11 years.
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All in all, though, Ben is SUPER CUTE. He’s definitely a frontrunner in my book.
Group Date 2: The Sex Talk
Just when you think ideas for dates can’t get any worse — (so far, we’ve got underwater photography, boxing, sumo wrestling and Kaitlyn’s worst nightmare) — Kaitlyn has this fantastic idea to bring the guys to a classroom full of 11 year olds and make them be “substitute teachers” and teach the children sex-ed. Kaitlyn confides to cameras that the kids are really actors that are purposely asking the guys uncomfortable questions, but the guys don’t know that.
"This is the anus. This is the butt." #Yourbody101 Best. Preview. Ever. #TheBachelorette
— TheRottingRose (@TheRottingRose) June 2, 2015
Ben H, a cutie that we haven't seen much of yet, is given the topic of reproduction. Instead of squirming and turning red in the face like the other guys, he uses this example where he is a sperm and Kaitlyn is an egg, and it’s weirdly romantic. He scores the rose for that one.
Basically, what we’ve learned from this episode is to only date guys named Ben.
Meanwhile at the house, we’re shown a scene of JJ and Clint’s bromance — they’re in the hot tub bonding over a mutual love of turtles.
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At one point, Clint breaks out his guitar while they look into each other’s eyes. This would be really adorable and all if they both weren’t the EVIL VILLAINS OF THE SHOW! They literally say, “Villain’s gotta vill” and cheer to each other. They’re the actual worst. Thankfully, every other guy in the house warns Kaitlyn that JJ and Clint are there for the “wrong reasons” and we’re left again with no rose ceremony and a cliffhanger of Kaitlyn confronting Clint. There’s no question she’ll send him home.
Guess it’s time to burn those underwater photography pictures. Maybe he can retake some with JJ.
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