Rachel Hartwick

The sixth episode of The Bachelorette features the first-ever normal date with smoking-hot Shawn. Additionally, Ian shows his dark side while we see a whole new (and improved) side of Nick.

The antagonist of this season of The Bachelorette is changing faster than Onion Ashley’s stream of consciousness.

The sixth episode began with Nick Viall entering the room where he’ll reside with the rest of the guys. The tension in the room is insane — it’s like an old western square-off. I can practically see a tumbleweed drift by as he sits on one couch and everyone else crowds around another to stare him down.

It looks kind of like this:

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However, Nick is surprisingly cool and collected. It’s Joshua, the industrial-welder-farm-guy, that gets a little out of hand. He questions Nick on his intentions, which makes sense, but starts yelling at him for calling Kaitlyn “cool” instead of “amazing.” Plus, he’s wearing this shirt with one gray sleeve and one red sleeve, which is making it hard to take him seriously.

Because we were jipped of an episode-ending rose ceremony last week, the rose ceremony took place toward the beginning of this episode. It takes place on Citi Field in New York City. OK, still not a normal rose ceremony, but at least it’s a rose ceremony. During the cocktail party, JJ picks Kaitlyn up and sprints around all the bases while holding her, which was probably a lot more uncomfortable and unenjoyable in real life than it appeared on TV. He’s also probably just trying to stay warm because Citi Field is apparently freezing.

Despite the temperature, the producers are obviously adamant to hold this entire rose ceremony on the field. Kaitlyn gets gloves, but every guy is sporting a red nose and/or chattering teeth. It doesn’t look like a good time.

Ultimately, Kaitlyn sends home three guys who are pretty irrelevant. Ryan B and Corey, neither of whom I knew existed, and Jonathan, whom I was never a fan of because he was a clear Britt-lover. Ta-ta! Kaitlyn then announces to the guys that they’ll be heading to San Antonio, Texas — somewhere warm, thank goodness — and they all cheer with their wine glasses. I’m surprised no one's frostbitten fingers fell off in this clip.

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The One-on-One: Ben H

Ben H gets the first one-on-one in San Antonio. Surprise! It’s a competition of some sort, with an audience! The two enter a country-esque two-step competition.

Ben H is a great guy on the date, but the extremely southern date crowded with people in their 70s and 80s itself induces nausea. The only good part of this date is Betty Jo, an elderly lady who teaches them about the importance of dancing and relationships. I can’t decide if she’s creepy or cute.

Work it, Betty Jo.

Kaitlyn and Ben H head to dinner, which they obviously don’t eat. (Viewers of past seasons of the show will know that contestants are NEVER shown eating their dinner. It’s this big mystery we might never find out the answer to). Kaitlyn kind of reprimands Ben for not sharing more information with her about his past relationships, which he is clearly reluctant to do. It’s not because of Kaitlyn, but because he doesn’t want to embarrass his ex-girlfriend about the details of their past on national TV. Duh.

Ben H gets a well deserved rose. He really is great, and if he doesn’t win, I’m thinking he’d make a great future Bachelor. He’s mature, trustworthy and of course, smoking hot.

Meanwhile at the house, Joshua is still FREAKING OUT about Nick. I don’t know if Nick went through some intense media training since his trainwreck of a season with Andi, but thus far in this episode, he surprisingly hasn’t been too horrible. He is calm and collected, and Joshua’s obsession with him is coming off as ridiculous. Joshua hates Nick about as much as Clint loved JJ.

Joshua is like…

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And Nick is like…

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Group Date: Mariachi

Here we go again with another public group date. On this mariachi-themed date, the guys have to go into their own separate spaces and write a song, which is essentially the same thing they did with Amy Schumer’s comedy date as well as their rap battle date. Anyway, Ian, who was devastated to have lost to Cupcake Chris on their Aladdin group date, is adamant to show off his true talents as a “singer.” But when the time comes and he’s in his sombrero serenading Kaitlyn in front of hundreds of people, he falls flat — literally. He sounds tone deaf. I can’t imagine a universe in which Ian is a good singer.

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Nick’s voice isn’t much better, but he takes her onto a balcony and sings something that rhymes their “connection” with his “erection.” As inappropriate as it is, all the guys actually give him props, and Kaitlyn’s actually digging it. It is her favorite kind of humor, considering the first thing she said to Chris Soules last season was that she’d let him “plow her field” any day.

As expected, Joshua isn’t happy about Nick’s success. None of the guys are really hating on Nick anymore because they’ve realized it’s more important to work on their personal relationship with Kaitlyn, but Joshua seems to be more concerned with bringing Nick down than building a relationship with Kaitlyn. He’s also getting far too much camera time, and then a whole confusing, hypocritical argument breaks out.

Here’s a play-by-play:

Part 1. Joshua tells Kaitlyn that all the guys hate Nick.

Part 2. Kaitlyn is apparently shocked that no one’s said this to her. She feels like no one is “being honest,” and she is PISSED.

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Part 3. With Joshua, Kaitlyn confronts everyone, and none of the guys admit to hating Nick, mostly because he’s sitting right there, and everyone is over it by now.

Part 4. Kaitlyn thinks Joshua is now a liar.

Part 5. It surfaces that JOSHUA lied to the guys about “interviewing” with the producers when he was actually gossiping to Kaitlyn. So the only liar in this case is now: Joshua.

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The funniest part of this ridiculous argument is that Kaitlyn gave Joshua a horrendous buzzcut earlier for fun, and watching him try to seriously one-up Nick is amusing. AND THEN, the irony of it all is that Kaitlyn makes a bold move and gives Nick the rose. At this point, I’m so irritated with Joshua that I’m actually glad Nick got it. What a fun group date, right??

The One-on-One: Shawn

Oh, Ryan-Gosling-lookalike-Shawn. Clearly a fan favorite, Shawn is everything anyone could ask for in a guy. And, plot twist: they go on a NORMAL date! They go kayaking down a river, then have an evening of talking. There’s not even any cold food in front of them for them not to eat. Shawn gets choked up telling Kaitlyn about his near-death car accident.

At this point, fans are like:

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He’s the first person to tell Kaitlyn that he’s falling in love with her, and she makes the bold move of whispering that she’s feeling THE SAME WAY. Gasp! She’s really not playing by the rules this season. After they romantically canoe down the river while fireworks fill the sky, it’s clear everything about this date tops the list of “bests” for the season.

Cocktail Party

Jared, the pointy-faced-guy we don’t want to like because he voted for Britt but we do anyway, is the second to tell Kaitlyn he’s falling in love with her. Kaitlyn says that it “makes her happy.” Clearly, Shawn is the frontrunner at this point.

Meanwhile, Ian is whining to Nick about not feeling like Kaitlyn really likes him. He goes as far as to say, “I have a lot of sex in my own life. … I need my confidence back. … I’d make a great Bachelor.” Whoa! BACK UP. Ian was once a fan favorite. We loved his determination to succeed even after a bad car accident and his soft-spoken, sweet personality. This is literally coming out of nowhere.

Hello, undercover-antagonist No. 5. Not only is Ian extremely cocky, but what he says to Kaitlyn is hurtful and demeaning to women. He tells her that she’s only here to “make out with a bunch of dudes on TV.” After adding that he’s such a great catch — considering he’s a Princeton graduate and post-car accident model — he calls her a shallow, "surface-level person." He says he wants the girl who had her heart broken by Chris Soules, not the girl who wanted her field plowed by him. Ouch. This leaves her like…

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The episode ends with Kaitlyn giving him her infamous pursed-lips look. If Ian had ANY chance before, it’s all over now. News flash, Ian: you’ll never be the Bachelor, and we can’t wait to see you leave next week.

The Bachelorette airs at 8p.m. on Mondays on ABC.

@rachel_hartwick

rh375113@ohio.edu

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