Ryan Murphy shocks and stuns guests in the premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel
Our expectations for Ryan Murphy are pretty high.
After the extremely successful, intriguing and well-written American Horror Story: Murder House and the equally as successful AHS: Asylum we’re expecting a lot from Hotel. But, not too much. Personally, I liked Coven, but critics say otherwise.
And then there was the disaster that was Freak Show. The plot line was flat, the characters were hard to like, and overall, it was dull. Twisty was the only one worth loving, and he died early on.
But, now there is Hotel. Can Murphy redeem himself?
With this season, we lose the beloved Jessica Lange ... our supreme, neighbor, nun and ringleader. What will we do without her?! But we asked, and Murphy answered.
Lady Gaga. The only acting we’ve ever seen her do is in her videos such as “Telephone” and on stage. This season, she plays Countess Elizabeth, a vampire like woman that seemingly runs the hotel.
But, she’s not the only one to look forward to. This season’s cast is full of favorites and newbies. Sarah Paulson is Hypodermic Sally, a twisted junkie that looks like a Pretty Woman prostitute. And, of course, we cannot forge our true love, Evan Peters who plays Mr. James March. For this season he gets swanky and turns into Hotel Cortez’s original owner, circa 1930.
Oldies may be goodies, but Murphy always likes to add new toys to his series. Dreamboat Cheyenne Jackson plays Will Drake, who is revealed to be the new owner in the premiere. Tall, dark and handsome always draw Murphy to his characters, and Jackson is just that.
Matt Bomer, who is just (if not more) dreamy and handsome than Jackson, is Gaga’s little lover and toy, which is bound to have a little drama later in the season.
Now, for the good part.
Hotel opens with two average blonde tourists from Sweden checking into a vacant hotel somewhere in sunny California. Despite the sun outside, the inside is dark and musty. Large Gatsby-esque mirrors and chandeliers line the walls and ceilings, along with flapper-era carpet and a bar fit for the likes of Al Capone.
Right of the bat, something is off. The hotel is empty and quiet. It screams AHS.
Fast forward to the girls hotel room, room 64 to be exact. It’s dark, dank and small. One of the girls complains of a “dead animal” smell. As soon as we hear that, playtime is over, and Murphy’s game begins.
The Swedes decide to investigate (which is never a good idea, EVER) and discover a row of stitches in the mattress. They viciously rip open the stitches, and the smell permeates the room.
Then BAM! Arms shoot out of the mattress and out comes an emaciated, sore-ridden human-something. And that’s when I knew we’re in for a good season.
We’re introduced to Iris (Kathy Bates) who is the desk clerk for the hotel when the Swedes check in. She’s weird and mousy, but when isn’t she? When the girls freak out about the mattress guy, she moves them into a suite. They fall asleep, and the screen goes dark.
One of the Swedes wakes up to an alarm playing old smooth jazz at 2:25 a.m. She looks for her friend, but she’s not there. She goes into the bathroom, and sees her, but, she’s not alone. THERE IS A SMALL CHILD FEEDING ON HER.... AS IN SUCKING HER BLOOD.
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I lost it. What is going on? Vampire children? There’s just something about creepy hotel children that freaks me out. Think The Shining, but with modern black-clad blonde kids. Weird.
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Fast forward to a typical LA junkie, Gabriel (Alex Greenfield) in a Cortez hotel room he bought. He just shot up, and is slowly drifting off into heroin heaven. Just as he’s about to pass out, he is picked up, flipped and his pants are pulled down. Out pops a man who vaguely resembles boiled cabbage, veiny and opaque. He is naked; except for a strap-on that looks less like a penis and more like a rock drill. And then he gets on top. I MEAN, WTF MURPHY? There were some messed up things in past seasons, but this was bad. I literally had to close my eyes and gagged a little bit.
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After three completely traumatizing scenes, I was hoping for relief. We’re introduced to detective John Lowe (Wes Bentley) as he’s investigating a gruesome crime scene. A guy, obviously cheating on his spouse, is nailed to a headboard and had his tongue and eyes cut out. That’s not even the bad part. The girl he was cheating with is on top of him, also nailed to the board. But, wait for it, she’s dead, and he’s super glued inside of her. Talk about a sticky situation.
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But this is a vital scene in the episode. Throughout the first episode, Lowe gets calls from a mysterious caller telling him it’s going to happen again. But, where you ask? At the Hotel Cortez of course! Which leads our protagonist to go to the LA hotel himself...
He is let into room 64 (duh duh duhhh) by Liz Taylor (Denis O’Hare) a cross dresser with an attitude — a man that can walk in heels better than I can ever dream of. Lowe walks in, and noticing nothing, he falls asleep. The camera pans down, and there’s our LA junkie in a pool of puke under the bed. How cliché. At 2:25 a.m. (duh duh duhhh) he wakes up, to see the same small Shining boy we saw earlier standing at the end of the bed. Lowe asks, “Holden?” almost like he knows the boy. In a dazed stupor, he chases him down the hall.
Here’s the thing. Later it is revealed Holden is Lowe’s lost son. We also learn that the children are real, and Holden is one of them. But how did he get to be at Cortez?
With all of this going on, I thought, where is Queen Gaga? And then....
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She enters the premiere with a bang and with a large plateful of cocaine. Her corset is tightened, her sharp metal gloves are on, and she leaves the Hotel in a fantastic red cape, black corset and diamond laden body chain. Talk about coming out in style. With her is Donovan (Matt Bomer) her lover and sidekick all in one. We see them going to an outdoor showing of Bram Stoker’s Dracula (how fitting). They sit down, and immediately make eye contact with a couple. Right then and there, I knew they were swingers. Elizabeth (Gaga) and Donovan immediately take them back to the Cortez. But this is American Horror Story, not Sex and the City. I know Murphy has something macabre and bloody waiting for us.
They go into the round-bed suite of Elizabeth and immediately get to it. In the background is Tear You Apart’s “She Wants Revenge;” a perfect, utterly weird song that could only work for AHS. The hot sex scene continues, with Elizabeth and Donovan getting with the couple. We’re talking about possibly the hottest sex scene in all of the AHS seasons. No joke. But Murphy couldn’t end the scene with the usual pillow talk and cuddling. Nope. Our blood-sucking countess and lover, both on top, rip open the throats of the couple and drink their blood. But, don’t worry, they’ll just call the maid.
The episode continues with the introduction of Will Drake (Cheyenne Jackson) a designer that decided to buy the Hotel. With him is his young son. Of course Elizabeth immediately takes the son away, and shows him a “secret room” where he can play. This is where we see the Countess’s vampire children, sitting in a stark white room in black suits, eating candy and playing retro video games. She introduces the boy to Holden, Lowe’s son, and we can only guess where it goes from there.
Our dreamboat detective John Lowe is texted while eating dinner with his daughter from his wife, who says she’s in trouble. Immediately he goes to the address he received and finds a mansion with an obnoxious alarm going off. He leaves his daughter in the car with a patrol officer and goes to investigate. The officer goes to investigate, and his daughter runs into the house looking for her mom. This scene was very predictable. Two people, one waits in the car, one goes in. The one in the car goes in. It’s the typical scary movie scene. The daughter sees dead bodies strung up, and screams. Lowe comes running. Typical horror scene. Disappointing Murphy, disappointing.
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Iris’ backstory is already boring. We find out that she is Donovan’s mother, and we are shown a flashback from the ‘90s where Iris follows Donovan to the Hotel Cortez on his quest to get dope with none other than Hypodermic Sally. He overdoses and Iris barges into room 64 and swiftly pushes her out the window. Iris turns around and sees Gaga draped over Donovan’s body complimenting his jawline.
But the good thing is that this scene was enacted from the same Super Glue penis murderer as before. It leads into the end of the episode with Lowe packing his things, and deciding to investigate the murder and stay in, where else but Hotel Cortez. It ends with him entering the hotel, and The Eagles’ “Hotel California” playing in the background. “You can always check out, but you can never leave.” Well played Murphy, well played.
Even though there was a limited plotline and some predictable scenes, premiere episodes of AHS are always like this, but this one I liked. They entice the viewer, and leave them wanting more. But one thing I feel like is going to be different this season is the weird factor. Lady Gaga and vampires? I’m expecting a lot for this season, and a lot from Murphy. But, can he live up to the Murder House reputation he set for himself? Check in and find out.
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American Horror Story: Hotel airs at 10 p.m., Wednesday on FX.
8/10 rating
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