Lady Gaga takes center stage again in episode 7 of American Horror Story: Hotel
As American Horror Story: Hotel approaches its Thanksgiving break (no episode Nov. 25 yay!), there are a few questions we need to discuss. First of all, who is the zodiac killer? All season it seemed as if Ryan Murphy was alluding that John Lowe (Wes Bentley) was going to be it. But after the shocking (and weird) episode six, we can’t be too sure of who it is. Secondly, what is going to happen to Will Drake (Cheyenne Jackson)? Now that Lady Gaga has him in her clutches, will he stay or perish like the ones before? Thirdly, WHERE ARE THE VAMPIRE CHILDREN?! I cannot contain my anxiety any longer. They need to do something and be seen again. And lastly, what the hell is going on in general? Last week’s episode was more than slightly confusing, and I couldn’t even guess what is going to happen next. Maybe that’s a good thing, or maybe not. But, anyways here’s the recap of this week’s episode “Goo-Goo for Gaga.” Whoops, I mean “Flicker.” Here we go!
Glorious Gaga and Mr. Drake return from a lavish vacation in Paris. When they arrive back at the Hotel Cortez, construction is deep underway in the renovation of the hotel. The foreman of the job comes up to Drake with a question regarding the inch-thick steel wall lining the hallway. Will does not care, and tells him to remove the damn thing. The workers laser the thing open and two go inside. They remark how it “smells like death” (how the whole hotel must smell), and continue inside. One of the men are scared, and the other one makes fun of him. Then, something gross is seen scuttling in the background. the men turn around, and their necks are sliced open and drained by the second nastiest thing seen this season yet. The boiled cabbage/mattress man was bad, and this comes close in second. These were some pale, wrinkly, naked-mole rat looking humanoids, obviously locked in a steel chamber for a long time. Nasty.
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Our favorite bad actor Lowe is in the West Los Angeles Health Center getting evaluated about his most recent “mental breakdown.” He looks so messed up, it’s unbelieveable. His hair is all tousled up, he’s pale and it looks like he’s been in the bag for the past two weeks. Alex (Chloë Sevigny) is with him and she asks him whether this is the best choice for him. Truth is, when he was investigating the last Ten Commandments murder, he saw the hospital name on a folder and decided to investigate. He remarks to Alex that he is exactly where he needs to be.
Gaga and Iris (Kathy Bates) are looking into the now unsealed hallway. They both look extremely confused and have no idea what’s in the hallway. Oh, if they only knew.
Marcy (Christine Estabrook), the real estate agent from Murder House and Hotel is seen in her room chatting it up with one of her old betty friends. She hangs up the phone, and complains about her. All of a sudden, her door is getting pounded on. When she opens it, the gruesome twosome hallway people are there to meet her. They slice her throat open, and drink her blood, like the majority of the murders in the hotel happen. Then she dies. This scene showed yet another real connection to Murder House. First we had Gaga and her abortion at the actual house, and now the real estate agent from the house. Can we expect some cameos from a few Murder House actors? Hopefully. I would love to see the real queen again.
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We then get a blast from the past and are thrown back to the Roaring ‘20s of Hollywood (1925 to be exact). There is an old-school silent film onstage, and Gaga is one of the actresses in the back. She makes a remark how dreamy Mr. Rudolph Valentino (Finn Wittrock) is. After filming, he invites her over to his home for “dinner” later. First of all, why is Wittrock playing two completely different characters in the same show? Not only is it confusing, but it just doesn’t make sense. With a plethora of actors with black hair and dark eyes in the acting world, why did Murphy use Wittrock AGAIN? I don’t know if it’s some explanation for why Gaga was so attracted to Tristan (Finn Wittrock) in the beginning or what, but it’s pretty dumb and confusing. Anyway, Gaga goes to his home and they have dinner and dance the tango. Their dance is interrupted by Valentino’s wife, Natacha Rambova (Alexandra Daddario). Gaga thought they were getting a divorce, but they say it’s for show, and for the movie companies. Natacha says how gods even have appetites, and she and Gaga tango. The scene cuts to a threesome with the whole crew, and we know Gaga is head over heels in love with them. Rejoice to all, because we know for certain GAGA HAS VISIBLE EYEBROWS!
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James March (Evan Peters) is hosting a grand party celebrating the opening of his hotel. Gaga has come. Her friend asks her who she’s been seeing, but Gaga won’t budge. When the party has commenced, Gaga is distraught and has her very bad crying face on after she heard Valentino has died. She runs to an open window (in a very Hypodermic Sally way) and attempts to leap out the window. March runs and grabs her before she falls, and remarks that he may never let her go.
The scene switches to an extravagant mausoleum, where three chatty Cathys are talking about Valentino’s death and a “mysterious lady in black” that has been visiting the grave everyday and leaving a red rose. Gaga takes off her hood, and is obviously crying. She turns to see Natacha, who is standing by a very real and alive Valentino. They explain how he isn’t dead, but reborn, and his stunt double is the one that took his place in the tomb. They ask her about her marriage to Mr. March, who is at this time just discovering his true love for murder.
Another sex scene happens, where March is very rough with Gaga and she throws it right back. He calls her a revelation. When Gaga finds him one day killing a homeless man, she tells him how he should set his sights on the rich so he can make some money with his murders. And that’s the marriage. Good job Gaga.
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Valentino then tells his story of his new becoming. He talks about how he had a stalker on his press tour. He was always in the back, just staring at him. One night, the man comes to his train car and reveals himself to be the infamous F.W. Murnau, the director of Nosferatu. He explains the fantastic blood virus he found on his journey to the mountains of Romania, and the beautiful people that have the disease. He offers to give in to Valentino, if he “dies.” He passed it on to Natacha, and offered to Gaga. While she accepts the gift, March is on the lower floor, listening and watching what they’re doing.
John is then wandering around his ward in the hospital for the criminally insane. He hears a guard talking about a killer that is within the building. He then (later at night) knocks out the security guard and sees on a list that his partner had admitted someone into room 153. He finds a young girl inside in the clothes Gaga has her vampire children wear. She introduces herself as Wren (Jessica Belkin). She talks about how she helped the Ten Commandments killer at the church. She tells him how she slit the throat of the security guard while the killer stuffed the pastor full of coins. She also says how she was at many of the other killings and that no one forced her to do anything.
Wren then tells John about how her father was a drunk that would go drinking and leave her in the car and abuse her. He realizes that Wren is related to the killer but it is not her father. One day, her father left her in front of the Cortez, and Gaga saved her in 1986. Wren promises she will take John to the killer if he can get her out. She remarks how it’s about time he got caught.
We then find out that Valentino and Natacha were the trapped hallway people, and they talk about how they need lots of blood to go back to their young, normal selves. They argue together and wonder how much time has passed in the hallway. They see some Australian men across the hall, and plan their next meal.
March and Gaga are having dinner (as they do once a month). She talks about how she is planning to marry Drake and March seems happy. He talks about how when she murders him, it needs to be off the hotel property. She says how she may have found love, but he says that she only ever loved Valentino. Gaga tells him she never claimed to love him. He confesses that ages ago, he kidnapped Valentino and Natacha and sealed them in the hallway for eternity, and Gaga is freaked out. He states how her one love was trapped in the walls of the palace he built for her. WTF? March is one of the most sadistic characters in the whole AHS series. We’re talking top five here. Poor Gaga.
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Now young, pretty and satiated, Valentino and Natacha walk past Iris in the modern world and go on a night on the town in their new skin and clothes.
John and Wren escape the hospital and run to go to the Cortez. Wren asks if John is planning on killing the murderer and he tells her he will. She says how she likes him and is sorry to see it end, and then runs into the street AND IS KILLED BY A SEMI. And the episode ends.
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This episode was all over the place. We finally know how Gaga became a vampire, but other than that, nothing was cleared up and the show is even more confusing before. The backstory was fun but what is happening in the present day story? What will John do now that his only lead is dead? What will happen with Gaga, Valentino and Natacha? Take a break for a week, and stay tuned for the next episode, coming Dec. 2.
Rating: 3/5
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