Jerseys and bucket hats will be the unspoken uniform of party-goers this fest season.
Come one, come all! Welcome to the circus that is fest season. To your right, you’ll see someone chugging a mystery beverage, and to your left, someone is puking it up. But one thing is for sure, you will see the following people on your journey up Mill Street or across High Street. Whether it be the Schoolboy Q wannabe, or the rave girl that just doesn’t belong, fest season is sure to be a cluster of people-watching and fun. Here are 10 people you will see during fest:
1. The girl who thinks she’s going to Coachella
“Oh my god!” and “I need another Smirnoff Ice,” can be heard as an overly nauseating cotton-candy smell permeates the air. You turn to see a group of girls, and one stands out to you — the Coachella girl. Her head is wreathed with a crown of flowers, like a glorified goddess. She’s wearing high-waisted shorts that look handmade, but they were $80 at PacSun. She's either wearing a lacy crop top or a shirt with some ’90s grunge band on it whose music she doesn't even know. Either way, she gives you a stomachache and makes you want to go to the next house.
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2. The “I’m wearing a jersey but I don’t even know who the player is” person
When warm weather arrives in Athens and people can day-drink on their porches again without fear of frostbite, the town seems to be filled with athletes. A closer look reveals these are just regular students who drink “Natty Light” on a random person’s front yard. An OU student can get their hands on any jersey for the unofficial uniform of every street fest in town — hockey jerseys, football jerseys or literally anything with a number on the back.
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3. The guy who dresses like Schoolboy Q on vacation
This guy can be seen fist-bumping on porches and drinking straight 40-ounce King Cobras, wearing sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt and a bucket hat. This outfit tells people he’s chill but can still be goofy and relatable.
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4. Rave girl with a fanny pack, otherwise known as “Molly”
Furry leg warmers and neon spandex are not the most comfortable or functional accessories to wear. When a fanny pack is added to hold important things such as a cellphone and snacks, however, this outfit becomes somewhat practical. Kind of.
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5. The patriot
The American flag tank and red and blue Nike Elites are a sure-fire sign that this fest-goer loves their country. They will most likely be found chanting “USA” up and down the streets of Athens while carrying a red, white and blue Budweiser at all times.
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6. The prOUd fifth-year senior
This is the person you see in head-to-toe green and white. They have so much Bobcat pride that they haven’t left yet. Fest season is one of the times of the year where they don’t worry about the fact that they haven’t ever really been on track to graduate because “OU OH YEAH!” is all the studying they’ve ever done.
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7. The girl who thought the fests were formals
You turn to hear the clip-clopping of heels on bricks, and you see her. She’s wearing a black dress and a pair of dirty heels from tromping in the mud all day. Her face reads “I’m pissed AF. I wore this but I still look better than all of you other girls.” She’s miserable, but not miserable enough to bong three beers from a hose on top of a roof. She’s the one crying on a stoop because her feet hurt so bad.
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8. The person who just doesn’t belong
This person is wearing jeans or khakis, a flannel shirt and some casual shoes. They have their backpack on, full of wares to study and have a good, educational time. They completely avoid all student life on fest weekends, but sometimes they’ll make an appearance at Big Mamma’s Burritos for their regularly scheduled lunch. If you do see them walking down Mill Street, they’re on the sidewalk RUNNING away from the kids screaming “Hey dude! Give me a beer out of your backpack.” This person is a “I’m only here for school” kind of person. Admirable, but lame.
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9. The person who REALLY hates rain
Because fest season is in the spring and we live in Ohio, the flakiest weather state of all, sometimes a street fest can be plagued by rain and mud. This fest attendee, however, is prepared to party no matter what the radar says — complete with a poncho, an open umbrella and rain boots.
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10. The person who couldn't care less about the weather and, well, everything
This person is a hot mess express. Their hair is everywhere, they have wine stains from “slapping the bag” all over themselves, but they are the life of the party. Even though it may have poured or it is pouring, this person is running around in bare feet splashing in puddles. If it’s muddy, you know they’ve already taken an empty beer case and slid down a muddy hill with it. They're everyone’s favorite person, but once it hits 5 p.m., they’re your worst nightmare. After chugging 10 beers, they’re a sloppy mess, falling down over and over again. Just give them a burrito, and tuck them in. Fest season got the best of them, as always.
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