While I was at the library Monday, I ran into two casual friends. After talking with both of them separately, I realized I had committed two cardinal sins of conversation. My behavior was unacceptable - and I discovered I do the same thing to my friends a lot.
The first sin I committed was domineering the conversation. In both cases, I interrupted people with my own thoughts, steered the line of topic and generally disregarded what the other person had to say. Both of these people are intelligent, interesting people, so why did I let myself do that?
Maybe you have caught yourself doing the same thing. It is easy to do - you start talking about your life, and then you just don't stop. And if the person looks interested, then you have a license to talk about whatever you want, even if they are feigning that look of intrigue.
The second sin I committed was improper conversation time. In both situations, I talked to the people longer than they probably would have preferred. I did not mean to steal time from their busy schedules. I enjoy their presences and wanted to talk to them while I could, because I see them infrequently.
Normally, I am one of those people who try to properly gauge conversation time carefully in such interactions. If I talk too long, I feel selfish. And if I don't talk long enough, then it seems as though I am not interested in their lives or what they have to say. How can you tell when someone has had enough? It helps to have some sort of excuse for leaving, such as class or eating or work, but I did not have one Monday. I was left to my own devices to figure out how to end the conversations. And in both cases, the other person sort of guided me to that point, when I realized I should make my exodus and flee from the scene of the sin.
So I sit here, analyzing these little problems. Could the conversation have flowed better? Did the other persons notice any awkward pauses? Did I talk too much? Did it seem like I was paying attention? What is wrong with me?
As a journalist, I have to listen to what people say carefully. My job is to ask questions and record answers as best I can. I have to pay attention to what people say, and if I don't, I will be accountable for that. Professionalism in my field and common courtesy dictate that I should listen carefully to what people say to me as a journalist. Shouldn't I give the same courtesy to my friends?
I think about all the times I have interrupted people unnecessarily - my boyfriend, friends and family. Does that imply my thoughts are more important than theirs? No. I just worry that with my feeble mind, I won't be able to remember my brilliant thought 30 seconds later. I should probably start asking myself, If this is so brilliant
won't I remember it in a few seconds or minutes? Even if I forget, it is better to respect what my friends have to say.
Here is my new promise: I will not interrupt my friends or dominate conversations. Everyone should become a better listener with the people they know and love. Even if you hate someone, you should probably pay attention to what they have to say. It may be good material to make fun of them later. And if I have taken over a conversation, interrupted you, caused awkward pauses or talked too much, let me know. I hate to be a loudmouth.
- Suzanne likes to talk to people. If you'd like to try an exercise in proper conversational skills, email her at suzanne.wilder@ohiou.edu. 17
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Suzanne Wilder
