There's a feeling in the pit of the stomach that begins as a knot. It's exacerbated with the growing realization that the bad news is not a dream -it's reality, and that the beloved friend is not coming back.
My dear friend and fellow Ohio University senior Christa Johnson died early Friday morning from a sudden and unforeseeable heart attack. She was, thankfully, at home with her parents in Cleveland, and had just gone with her boyfriend of four years to her cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner. Justin, her boyfriend and also an OU senior, said she had called him at midnight so happy, so excited for graduation and the future. No doubt, he would be a part of it.
Christa was a beautiful girl. Her spirit was pure and her love all encompassing. And that should be celebrated. Her presence was always wanted. When she was with Justin we would call and try to get her to be with us, and when she was with us Justin would call and want to be with her too. But as her best friend Lara (Moberger) said, now she can be with all of us, all the time. We're lucky to have had her here at all, Lara said. So now that we've known her we can carry on her legacy of love and light.
Still that feeling in the stomach persists. The worst is to see it in other people's eyes; my precious roommates and friends who knew Christa since freshman year. It made me not want to let them out of my sight. Don't go to sleep, don't go to work, don't go home -just let me hold your hand and feel the life still surging within you, the life that is so fragile.
Sometimes we put our energies into being angry, being selfish or vain. Sometimes we pass up an opportunity to check up on an old friend, or spend extra time talking with a roommate. Lots of distractions can cause us to focus on ourselves -are we pretty, skinny, funny enough -and we forget that the people who love us simply and unconditionally just love us.
Christa knew how to love her friends. Her sweet manner could get to your heart and her generous spirit made you feel loved. I don't know how many times Christa footed my bill when we went out, but I know she always wanted everyone to have a good time. She wouldn't want us to crunch over in the pain of missing her -I think she would want us to rejoice that she is finally home now. Nothing to worry about anymore, and no distractions from doing what she did best -love.
We will miss her terribly, especially during these next two weeks that she was looking forward to so much. But now we have a friend in heaven, an ally to help us on the rest of our journey. And when our time comes, as it surely will, her spirit will welcome us to the place of love, happiness and peace.
We love you, Christa.
-Pione is The Post's religion writer. Send her an e-mail at teresa.pione@ohiou.edu.
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