This weekend I road tripped into enemy territory to find out if my preconceptions of our rivals are true. I felt compelled to experience the popped-collar nation of Miami University. It was a mission to decide whether the stereotypes were justified or exaggerated.
My comrades and I made it home safely Saturday night, and we bring news: The collars are down!
If Miami is no longer doing it, then the fad must be officially dead. Rest in peace, erect collar -you had a good run. It is a shame my visit was too late; I had planned to un-pop all collars in my sight this weekend. I had one close call that I might have hallucinated. The collar was spotted -I turned to tell a friend, but upon turning back it had vanished.
I have theorized that an alternate dilemma might have foiled my diabolical plans. I could have been distracted by an MU defense technique implemented to distract outsiders like myself. There was an arousing amount of cleavage put on display -some welcomed, others not -and it must have deterred me from my mission.
If cleavage is back with a vengeance, then OU girls, let's show our rivals who has the big guns. Have some pride for your school -wear a V-neck.
Even if you are not packing the busiest of bosoms, there are still procedures you can take to do your part for your university. I took special notice of a girl who deemed the zipper on her zip-up windbreaker only partially necessary and an undershirt preposterous -two thumbs up. But OU, let's be smart about this. Do not sport this style with tan lines. The girl I saw did. Let's be better than that.
When it comes to athletics, our jocks are leaving their hearts and sweat on their respective playing fields to send the RedHawks home with their wings clipped. It is time the students make some sacrifices as well, since we are too drunk to make it to the game. (Sorry -I mean busy studying.)
After the disappointing discovery that the collars are down, I am left to wonder what will be the next obnoxious fad amongst the polo-shirt wearing, hair-gelled college males. A friend living in New York City just reported that heterosexual men are wearing eyeliner. Apparently, he was considering eye makeup because a girl told him he had nice eyes, and he wanted to accentuate his defining features. We are currently not on speaking terms.
I imagine that if that becomes a trendy fashion statement, I will overhear some hilarious verbal exchanges at the bars. Women used to say, Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore. Now men will say, Just because I am wearing makeupdoes not make me a gay.
I have this theory that if it is happening in New York City now, in a year it will be fashionable in Ohio. I can't say I look forward to the possibility of my Nostradamus predictions holding truth, but I will take joy in further skewing of the gender lines of The Crystal's crowd.
-Gillespie is a junior creative writing major. Send him an e-mail at bg186203@ohiou.edu.
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Blake Gillespie
