Over the course of the quarter, I have made it my duty as an objective journalist to illuminate the counterculture of college, so to speak. I've made some claims and attempted to make some changes, all for a greater purpose.
Let it be known: Blake Gillespie is a rebel writer with a cause. Much like Tupac Shakur used gangster rap music to get the attention of blacks, I have used this column to get college students' attention. I can only be optimistic of my hopes for the revolution to be completed before the government assassinates me for knowing too much or for gaining too much influence.
This conspiracy might sound like schizophrenic paranoia, but for approximately 50 years, PEZ Candy Inc. has been brainwashing children to kill. PEZ is the candy company that distributes its treats by way of little plastic dispensers. The candy is thrust from the necks of different cartoon characters. At first glance these dispensers probably seem innocent, but when viewed under a critical lens, the results are alarming.
Have you ever considered the possibility that PEZ might have an ulterior motive? Children are being programmed to commit the violent act of beheading a cartoon character to receive a prize -candy. This is just a small step away from joining a radical militia to kill for your government or -even worse -a higher being.
The violence in children is not from television, video games or music -as the adults behind this conspiracy want us to think -but from PEZ.
Do you know where the word PEZ derived from? According to the PEZ Web site, http://pezco.securesites.com, it is from the German word pfefferminz
which means peppermint. I seem to remember a time when Germany was brainwashing its citizens -need I say more? Further Web site browsing revealed more clues to this conspiracy and plan of global savagery, such as this tidbit from the PEZ history section: New character dispensers are introduced regularly to capitalize on current trends. The sentence translates to the PEZ company's ability to adapt to pop culture in order to program each generation. In the 1950s it was Mickey Mouse, and most recently it has followed the trend of Marvel Mania by giving children the opportunity to execute Spiderman.
PEZ is not just a homeland problem. These volatile candies are being distributed in more than 60 countries. Lately, medieval-style beheadings have frequented the world news. I say all fingers point to PEZ.
The revolution against PEZ can start with you. Do not let these delicious candies appeal to your stomachs as well as to the savage animal within. If you feel the urge to protest, the company's headquarters are in Orange, Conn. But perhaps I have said too much. The information is in your hands now -do with it what you please.
-Blake Gillespie is a junior creative writing major. Send him an e-mail at bg186203@ohiou.edu. 17
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