Because movies are the most valuable and trusted source of information on the planet, the fact that I see many of them naturally makes me an expert on everything.
This past year, I became a knowledgeable source on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the oil industry, interspecies romance and, of course, the benefits of sleeping in the same tent as your ranching buddy the same night you drain a bottle of whiskey.
If I have become a guru in anything over my years as a movie-lover, however, it is sex, and in honor of Valentine's Day, I would like to pass on my unfathomable wealth of knowledge with five tips I have learned from the movies.
1. No horseplay in the shallow end (Showgirls, 1995) - Saved by the Bell's Elizabeth Berkley proves that there is an animal inside all of us. In her case
it is a dolphin. Caught in a net. Berkley puts her legendary acting skills to the test as she thrashes violently in a pool in the throes of passion but instead of simulating wild abandon she only exhibits alarming signs of a grand mal seizure. I hope she waited 15 minutes before getting in the water.
