With the school's budget still in the red and the RIAA's Machiavellian tactics of blackmailing file-sharing students flourishing, one begins to wonder whether the university should follow suit.
But first: way back in March, a friend from Columbus State Community College messaged me about how she was typing in a computer lab where days earlier a student was caught masturbating. It feels creepy in here
she wrote. Ew.
I responded, I never understood how not why'isolation boredom
nobody around
who'll know?'people masturbate in libraries. It's the fear that'd get to me. Maybe it helps?
This person stopped talking to me shortly after, perhaps remembering that I worked late nights at Alden library at the time and ' wrongly ' assuming the worst.
In file-sharing and public fiddling, both seem to rely on a natural sense of impatience. Considering all the advertising around 'commercials, reviews, posters, very short .avi and MP3 samples ' eventually people will break down and do the job on their own.
While the RIAA's exact means of obtaining the IP addresses are still vague, it is evident that it relies on scare tactics'which work! According to a Post article just last week, the RIAA said OU's file-sharing dropped enormously since their blackmailing began.
Sadly, the school does not get any money from this. And with the deficit in mind, one needs to look at other funding options. The RIAA's schemes have arrived just in time.
Look back at the CSCC fiddler: Nothing legal came of it. The girl who supposedly saw it happen just left in disgust. A wasted opportunity, indeed.
While the number of success stories of OU public fiddling are based on rumor, we should not rule OU out of 90 percent of the population who fiddles privately.
With empty space common at OU ' especially during the summer ' the school could try to take advantage of these natural impulses by subtly influencing public fiddling. It could get people to think, Late at night
nothing to do
nobody around
why not?
This would be a twofold system. Taking pages from the pre-release marketing campaign of the new White Stripes album, the school could heavily advertise the idea of public fiddling to the public and then proceed to blackmail them.
There is no surveillance or constant regulation in the $60 million glory that is the new Baker center ' just the occasional OUPD officer wandering through the building. This glorybox could be the proving grounds for such a grand experiment.
Primarily, they need to string cameras throughout the building, as well as into those secluded areas, which serve as potential hotspots. But these cameras need to be well hidden, giving the illusion of privacy.
Then, like developing a lust for Icky Thump, the university needs to put the idea of sex into the potential fiddler's head, pasting the walls with images of attractive people.
Everywhere one looks in Baker, with hope, would have either a bust or a bulge peering right back. Eventually, impatience will set in.
Once the fiddler peaks, security could storm out, drag the person away and begin the blackmailing. If all goes well, the fiddler, realizing the multiple vice grips on his or her metaphorical balls, will finally cough up the $3,000 in humiliation fees.
While this is but one option, it still seems slightly less manipulative and unethical as the RIAA's tactics ' and possibly more lucrative. Not everybody has a computer, but most people have working bits needing fiddled.
' Justin Noga is a senior English major, who swears he's celibate. Send him an e-mail at jn108203@ohiou.edu.
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