It's Sunday morning, 10 a.m. A girl walks down the street in a skirt and heels. She does not look like she's going to church.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the walk of shame. If you don't know what it is G? maybe you should ask a friend.
When a girl walks home after a particularly rough night of drinking, most likely between the hours of 8 a.m. and noon, this constitutes a walk of shame.
When said girl has mascara smudged down her cheek and a disgruntled ponytail that could use some Pantene Pro-V, this is also known as a walk of shame.
When, upon passing the aforementioned girl, you get a strong whiff of what could be mouthwash, but is probably that final shot of Ice 101 she had the night before, this is, hands down, a walk of shame.
Take note: guys commit the walk of shame, too. But girls are the only ones who get noticed. This is what I like to call embracing the double standard.
For all of you shameful people, I've compiled a list of ways to avoid the walk of shame accusations this weekend. After all, it is Parents Weekend. Have a little respect for the moms and dads. Here goes:
[ol][li]Appropriate dress: If you know you're not going home on a given night, don't wear a dress and heels to the bar. Jeans and a top are at least somewhat less conspicuous. Unfortunately, most walks of shame derive from unintended sexual encounters. I guess you're on your own for that one.[/li][li]Appropriate dress, take two: Don't wear men's clothing home in an attempt to hide your shamefulness. People will know you didn't buy those extra large Nike shorts to go with the pink stilettos you're wearing.[/li][li]Alternate transportation: Get a car. Get a bicycle. Get a scooter for all I care. At least you can breeze by the frat guys shouting obscenities at you.[/li][li]Run of shame: The night before, pack a bag with shorts and running shoes. In the morning, put them on and jog home. You can trick everyone into thinking you are a dedicated athlete, and hopefully you'll burn off a few beers' worth of calories.[/li][li]The Post-It: Cut out this article and put it on your fridge. Get a Post-It and write on it: Casual sexual encounters = Bad. Even if you forget about the Post-It after you've left for the night (out of sight, out of mind), at least your friends and their parents will get a kick out of it. [/li][li]Go home: If you find these tactics funny but not at all useful, it may be time for you to start going home at night. Good luck.[/li][/ol]
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Natalie Cammarata
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