I know a lot of students have been criticizing the Ohio University Republicans for wearing those I vote for politicians who reduce financial support to colleges shirts because it seems a mockery of gay pride. But I want to go out on a limb here in support of their right to wear them ' and the experience that comes with it.
First, it will no longer be acceptable for two Republicans to hold hands in public. It just makes the rest of us a little queasy, and we would prefer if you engaged in your fun in the privacy of your own home. And as for kissing, we are going to pretend that does not happen.
Second, we request that you cease and desist in the flaunting of your right-leaning lifestyle. Wearing buttons and talking about other Republicans and lamenting trickle-down economics and voting ' we feel smothered by your disgusting displays of die-hard conservatism.
Third, we move to excise all Republicans from schools, Boy Scouts and other institutions where they might interact with children. It's nothing personal, but we just can't take the chance of you spreading your Conservative agenda (invading defenseless countries, increasing the national deficit, always talking about God) and ' Jeebus forbid ' converting our sons and daughters into Republicans, as well.
It is just unthinkable.
Furthermore, you will no longer be able to wed. I mean, you can wed a Democrat or a Libertarian or an Earth-loving member of the Green Party in what will ultimately amount to a loveless union hurting both of you. But the option is there. Government officials also will soon come around to rip up any existing abominations of marriage licenses.
Unfortunately, there's more. The armed forces will dishonorably discharge its publicly Republican soldiers because the danger to morale levels is just too high.
Children of Republican parents will face constant taunts and jeers about why their parents don't believe in social welfare policies or a graduated income tax. And I don't even want to get into what will happen to the unwitting children who carry Charleston Heston lunchboxes or hang William F. Buckley posters in their lockers.
But it could get nasty.
And, though certainly not endorsed, cars with McCain '08 stickers might have tires slashed, windows broken or slurs such as Airport bathroom f ' ckers spray painted across the doors.
Then again, I suppose they could just stop wearing the shirts.
Justin Thompson is a senior journalism major. Send him an e-mail at jt315004@ohiou.edu.
17 Archives
Justin Thompson
200805017891midsize.jpeg
