The midnight showing of Zombieland left for two packed theaters. As the lights went down, I found myself sandwiched between my roommate and some random guy. I almost got kicked in the head by the guy behind me, I was elbowed at least five times by the guy next to me and then he kicked me once - it was like the movie was interactive and I was being attacked by zombies.
As a pre-apology to the guy that sat to my left, I'm using you as my example, but you just happened to give me good advice on movie theater etiquette to pass along. What is movie etiquette? I like to define it as: No one gets hurt and everyone wins.
Rule #1: Don't use horrible pick-up lines in a crowded movie. Despite what you think, calling a girl Your own personal George Washington is not flattering and will not get you a free pass to her bedroom, so keep your pants zipped, let the blood flow back to your brain and think of a better one.
Rule #2: The cell phone cliché. I get it, it's the era of awesome technology, but the whole theater doesn't need to be illuminated by the back light of anyone's cell phone. As for answering or making calls, unless it's an emergency, wait the 90 minutes to chat about the latest gossip. Like
oh my gosh!
Rule #3: It's OK to laugh and cry, but try not to sob, holler or scream. I really get this one; I've been to some terribly sad movies that leave me bawling, funny ones that make me giggle with tears and scary ones that leave me on the edge of my seat. But don't let your imagination get you into a panicked frenzy. Remember not to use the sleeve of the person next to you to wipe your tears; that's what tissues are meant to do. If you're a boisterous laugher, try to contain the snorts.
Rule #4: If your bladder keeps you running, sit near the aisle. Sometimes sitting near the aisle isn't an option, but if you have the choice, don't jump over the whole row when you feel the call.
Rule #5: Save lusty lips for the drive-in. I have yet to witness this one, but I can't say there haven't been a few times I thought it was going to happen. Movie theaters are just too close in proximity to ignore the couple in the next row with their faces intertwined.
Rule #6: Don't use the person in front of you as a foot rest. Though it's comfortable to put your feet up, people don't generally enjoy when you repetitively tap dance on the back of their seats because you're trying to put your feet up.
Rule #7: No matter how violent the movie, try to keep it minimal in the seats. Having experienced this one, it is not enjoyable to worry if you'll have all of the limbs you had going in when you leave. If you have nervous twitches, I suggest taping those parts to the chair, floor or arm rest.
- Anna Hartenbach is a senior studying journalism. Tell her your movie theater nightmares at ah896106@ohiou.edu. 3
Culture
Anna Hartenbach
