Hi,
I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and we have a pretty good relationship. He's a really nice, sweet guy, we have a lot in common and we always have a good time together. We have a good relationship, but I don't find myself very attracted to him sexually. Usually it's good once we get going, but I never initiate sex. Is this normal?
- Not Attracted
Not Attracted,
Normally, I would suspect that you aren't enjoying sex with your boyfriend, but you've indicated that it's at least decent. However, if you're happy with how it's going, you should be initiating sex some of the time. I mean, you should want to have sex with your boyfriend and you should be able to express that desire.
Perhaps you're still just nervous about sex. If you're not incredibly sexually experienced, it would make sense that you're unsure about how to initiate sex. If this is how you feel, just ignore your nerves and do it. You know your boyfriend already likes you and wants to have sex, so it's not like you're going to embarrass yourself.
As shallow as it sounds, physical attraction is an important aspect in a relationship - at least to some extent. I know some people who say they didn't find their partner very attractive until they got to know that person well and was attracted to them emotionally, but it seems to be the opposite in your case.
If you're not attracted to your boyfriend, how you did get into this relationship in the first place? It's not that looks are the most important element in a relationship, but typically a physical attraction is the initial step in choosing a partner.
It sounds like your boyfriend really is a good guy and you genuinely care about him, but maybe you're forcing more of a relationship than you're really meant to have. It's possible that your relationship with your boyfriend has become more friendly than romantic. Sometimes, as badly as you want to be with a person, for whatever reason, it just doesn't work out.
Take some time to really evaluate your relationship and decide if you're getting what you want. Whether we like to admit it or not, sex is an important part of a relationship and your reluctance to engage in sexual activity could put a strain on your relationship. If you really aren't interested in sex with your boyfriend, regardless of how good the other aspects of your relationship are, you might be better off as friends.
- Mallory Long is a junior studying journalism and women's studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of thepost.ohiou.edu, at postpillowtalk@gmail.com or follow Pillow Talk on Twitter at
@post_pillowtalk.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
