I read the recent Pillow Talk column about a girl who has discovered that her boyfriend watches porn. I was quite upset by the columnist's reply that his behavior is normal and is not a big deal. Viewing pornography is wrong. It may be relatively common in today's culture, but that does not justify it as right, or even acceptable. Pornography makes sex into a commodity, rather than something precious and intimate. It cheapens love, devalues women and destroys relationships.
Sex is (supposed to be) an intimate expression of love shared only between two people who are committed solely to each other in a faithful, lasting relationship. Any sex outside this context is both harmful and wrong. For example, cheating on someone is wrong because it involves physical intimacy outside the relationship in which it belongs. When a man chooses to have an intimate physical experience apart from the context of his relationship, his actions make the intimacy within his relationship far less unique, special and valuable. This betrayal of intimacy applies to pornography just as much as it does to physically cheating.
Not only does watching porn cheapen the intimacy upon which their relationship is built, but it also devalues his girlfriend. The fact is that he cares more about gratifying his physical desires than about making her feel loved and valuable. His actions make it clear that she isn't important enough to merit his undivided affection, or even the simple gift of faithfulness. The result is that she feels hurt and worthless.
Finally, his actions call into question whether their relationship is actually based on love at all. If he is willing to look at pornographic pictures of other women to satisfy himself, he clearly does not view sex as an intimate expression of love and commitment. Sharing such a personal and intimate act with him isn't fair to her, because for him their sex is simply a meaningless gratification of his desires. His actions force his girlfriend to wonder whether their relationship has ever been meaningful, or if he has simply manipulated her in order to fulfill his lust.
The sad fact that pornography is fairly normal and acceptable in our culture doesn't mean that it's right. When a man watches porn, he separates the physical aspect of sex from its meaning as an expression of love. He devalues the intimacy of the relationship, and ultimately he leaves his partner feeling hurt and worthless. Pornography is a big deal, and I was very upset when the columnist downplayed how seriously it affects relationships. The columnist had a chance to advocate for love, trust and commitment, and defend the value of intimacy. Instead, she chose to further cheapen sex, leaving me disappointed and disgusted.
Sarah Wyss is a freshman studying astrophysics and biological sciences.
4 Opinion
