For anyone who has ever ventured to East or South greens, Jefferson Hill is the bane of our existence.
Jeff Hill, which will open to car traffic after many years of being blocked, resembles more of a mountain than a mere incline of dirt, as the name implies. Why Ohio University assumes that students can mount this colossal peak is beyond me. Very few individuals can reach the top of Jeff without tremendous huffing and puffing; I swear that hill is giving me asthma.
Of course, there are a few exceptions: the muscular ROTC guy who runs up Jeff Hill daily (I am concerned this may be some form of attempted suicide) and rumors of a legendary figure who, by some feat of the gods, conquered the mountain via bicycle (he was on steroids, no doubt).
The rest of us, however, must turn to alternative methods. After a late night of studying, students purchase potentially dangerous amounts of Red Bull or 5-Hour Energy, merely for the purpose of walking up Jeff the next morning. For the past few years, Jeff Hill also has caused excessive traffic in Glidden Hall, as students would rather wait an extra five minutes and risk probable death in the rickety elevators than attempt to conquer the hill by foot.
My friend and I also devised another two-person technique, which we've dubbed the Push against person #2 Method. When walking up Jeff, person #1 (the pusher) should lean forward with person #2 (the pushee) at about a 50-degree angle to the sidewalk, so that the pushee supports his or her partner's weight while simultaneously being propelled forward. If done correctly, the energy expended can be decreased for both individuals.
Now, this may look a bit ridiculous, so I propose a better solution: moving sidewalks. Just think, parents already bring their four-year-old children to OU merely to ride the only escalators in Athens County; one can only imagine what moving sidewalks could do for the school's reputation!
Of course, Jeff Hill does provide students great amusement on Friday nights when less-than-sober girls clad in miniskirts and four-inch heels attempt to descend the hill without falling flat on their faces. This ongoing struggle, coupled with sledding down the hill on lunch trays (stolen from the dining hall) after a snowstorm, certainly guarantees that Jeff Hill, though the cause of great frustration during our college years, will be looked back upon with fondness upon graduation.
4 Opinion
Mel Byko
