Pillow talk -
I've been dating my boyfriend for about two months, and things were going pretty well. That is, until we decided to have sex for the first time together. It was a heat of the moment kind of thing without much planning, and we didn't even have time for a condom. I am not a virgin and assumed because of his age (25) that he too was not a virgin. The circumstances of the sex though seem to suggest otherwise. How should I approach the situation without making him feel even worse about his performance or, rather, lack there of?
Sincerely,
Potential v-card snatcher?
Dear PVS,
First and foremost, shame on you for not using a condom. Seriously. There is absolutely no reason not to use condoms because they are available all throughout campus - even in markets and vending machines - and the city. Condoms are in just about every grocery, convenience store and Planned Parenthood, at 1005 E. State St. Using condoms is going to be much less of an inconvenience than an unplanned pregnancy during the middle of college.
With that said, your lack of planning might have played a large role in your sexual mishap. Although it might not seem like it, sex is a big deal for some people, especially if it's in the relationship context and not a hookup kind of thing.
While normally I don't recommend prying into a lover's previous sexual exploits, swiping a v-card might be the reason things didn't go as you expected they would. If you really want to know, ask. It might be awkward; it might not be. Either way, it might give you some insight on the situation at hand.
Don't bring it up right before trying sex again, because that could be really awkward, and don't play the blame game. If anything, ask if there's anything you can do to help - this has to be about his satisfaction as much as it's about yours.
Regardless of whether or not your boyfriend was a virgin, cut him a break. I don't know firsthand, but I'm sure premature ejaculation is a confidence-killer, and you don't want to make it worse. Whether he is or not, and as long as it wasn't a one-time thing - which it could have been - it seems as if you might have to work on your boyfriend's stamina.
If you're interested in making a long-term commitment to your boyfriend, it could be a bonding experience and will give you the opportunity to let your boyfriend know exactly what you like.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
