Have you ever noticed how a fork looks a lot like a miniature pitchfork? That is because, after centuries of evolution, food shrank.
Back in the day, if you wanted to eat a mammoth you couldn't eat it with a fork. That would be impossible and ridiculous. Cave men could pierce those tough woolly hides only with pitchforks.
As man evolved into a civilized creature, pitchforks had to adapt - ergo, forks
A man never knowingly allows a child in Africa to starve by not finishing his T-bone. Yes, there is a direct correlation. Don't question it.
Men eat. Not eating causes death, and because staying alive is manly, so is eating (see transitive property).
Did you say, All-you-can-eat-buffet? or We are three men away from running out of food?
Desserts: Good when they include ice cream, great when they include fire.
Men and pyramids have a long history.
Once upon a time, men built these gigantic stone structures with the help of thousands of slaves and/or aliens. In the 21st century, minimum wage and/or foreign laborers finally discovered that the pyramids were Ancient Egypt's way of telling us how to maintain balanced eating habits.
Table manners: Because you never know when you are going to eat with royalty.
Thousands of years ago, man made his largest food-related error. With the advent of fire, man's greatest food-related triumph, man began cooking food. While this made all foods juicy and delicious, it ruined his appendix, which was used to digest raw meat.
As man loves the fulfillment of potential (see omnivore), he hates vestigial organs and decided to teach a medical class about how to remove them.
Whatever happened to the four food groups? Man ate them.
Five-star restaurants: A great way to spend a large amount of money on small portions.
International eating competitions are man's way of saying, I love food. I don't love the time it takes to eat.
I wonder if those hot dogs are kosher.
A plate of ketchup tastes terrible unless you fry potatoes with it, and plain salt will make you gag unless you are a horse or put it on anything edible. Yet, maple syrup is always delicious.
Maple syrup is clearly the superior condiment.
Men: Complete with this balanced breakfast.
- Alex Bill is a sophomore studying psychology. Ask him about man stuff at ab279708@ohiou.edu.
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Alex Bill
