Boys make mistakes. Men resolve them.
A man does not beg for forgiveness. He attempts to earn it by adhering to a set of ever-changing, situation-dependant guidelines that may or may not apply to his particular offense.
Sincerity, I mean it.
Men don't apologize for anything that they are not sorry for - global warming, for instance.
When someone is sick, a man does not say, I am sorry
unless he caused the ailment by sneezing on said individual. As men have perfect bodily control and foresight, they should never accidentally sneeze on anyone, so this comment should be irrelevant.
Say how you will resolve the dilemma or plan to change your behavior. A simple, I promise to stop borrowing your underwear on laundry day will suffice.
Demonstrate understanding of why you are in the wrong. You might say, I know that you were saving the leopard print for your date tonight and that I should never have invaded your sock drawer. By the way you are out of condoms.
Here are some common apologies that most men will use during their lives.
Example apology 1: I am sorry that my immaculately kept fu manchu distracted you from taking your test. I will switch to a mutton chop-soul patch combo in an attempt to restore your focus.
Example apology 2: I apologize for setting the bar so high that you will now live out the remainder of your life in grayscale. I want you to be happy
so here is a kitten and a list of strong opiates.
OneRepublic once said, It's too late to apologize. It's too laaaaaaaaaaaate. They're wrong.
Action rather than inaction shows strength of character. Men have been known to lift children, sofas and even small trucks with their strength of character.
Men apologize either in person or in person. In the event that a man cannot make such a rendezvous, he may resort to using a plane to write the apology in the sky.
No text message apologies. An apologetic text says: Did you think that I respected you enough to call you? I would rather spend my minutes calling a 900 number that only employs mute women.
Did you even see the word sorry in there? I didn't.
Men: Only when they are wrong and mean it.
-Alex Bill is a sophomore studying psychology. Ask him about man stuff at ab279708@ohiou.edu.
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