Men go places, manly places. They do so in a manly fashion.
Walking - the process of putting one foot in front of the other - can serve as a form of transportation. It works well for short distances, burning calories and displaying shame early in the morning.
Real men ride Segways. Not.
Motorcycles are sexy and dangerous. There is nothing manlier than gripping the vibrations of a combustion engine with your thighs. Plus, just look at those leather jackets.
Traveling by caravan to go search for gold was the ye olden-day way to work through a mid-life crisis.
Caravans also worked wonders for cannibals and teenagers playing Oregon Trail.
Coal trains connected the oceans and brought people across this nation with the speed of 100 caravans, which still was not very fast. Regardless, something about the majesty of black smog and the powerful oppression of capitalistic monopoly just smells manly.
With the advent of the steam engine, passengers could suddenly breathe while riding on trains. This new breathing-based transportation opened up a whole new world to asthmatic men.
Whenever possible, a man takes the local cruise ship to work in the morning.
Horses - exclusively, mustang horses. In fact, I have never seen a man not on a horse.
Jogging: Yes for exercise, no for transportation.
Cars. You mean Americana? You mean the symbol of freedom? Of movement? Of beginning the ascent into adulthood? Oh yeah, they're manly.
A man does not drive a car. He becomes part of a car. He becomes familiar with every button and dial and lets no feature go to waste.
Really use those power windows. Adjust those presets. Defog that window. Yeah.
Men sail or kayak just about anywhere they need to go. They live by the mantra: The less water
the more impressive the journey.
Bikes allow you to cover great distances without spending money on gas while also shaping your buns and thighs. If there is anything that a man loves to shape, it's his buns and thighs.
As a form of transportation, running is acceptable toward a fight, ahead of bulls or in slow motion away from an explosion.
Men: On time, in style.
- Alex Bill is a sophomore studying psychology. Ask him about man stuff at ab279708@ohiou.edu.
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Alex Bill
