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Serious dater second-guesses sexcapades

Dear Pillow Talk,

I hooked up with a guy I had just met. Before him, I had never had sex with someone I wasn’t in a serious relationship with. I felt a little weird about it at first, but it was a good experience and I feel OK about it now. I know a lot of people have sex with strangers so I figured it wasn’t a big deal that I did, but my friends were really weirded out when I told them what happened. Now I feel awkward, because of my friends’ reactions, I’m not sure if what I did was OK. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with other people hooking up but now I’m not sure if it’s something I should do again.


Feeling Slutty


Your greatest problem lies within your signature: stop calling yourself a slut.

Actually, stop calling anyone a slut – it doesn’t accomplish anything except making women feel badly about themselves while allowing some people to feel morally superior to others.

Sex is different to everyone. Some people have it and some people don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with either option – as long those having sex are doing so safely and responsibly. Stop comparing yourself to others; I promise you’ll feel better.

It’s possible your friends were more surprised than upset by your sexual activity, particularly if they were well aware that you have only had sex with people you dated, so cut them a break. Also, if your friends are generally shy about sex talk, they might have just been a little nervous. 

Give your friends some time to adjust to this change and see if they become more accepting of your new hobby. If not, you have two options: stop telling them about your sexcapades, or start looking for friends whose values are more like yours.

The bottom line is that your sex life is your own. It doesn’t matter what your friends think about it because it isn’t any of their business in the first place. If you’ve really considered benefits and consequences of random sex and decide it’s what you want, do it. If you decide it isn’t what you want, don’t. ?    

— Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women's studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of, at or follow Pillow Talk on Twitter at @post_pillowtalk.

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