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Bent On Boys: Don't let ghosts lead you to dating grave

I have found that by the time guys are in college, they are often currently in a relationship, recently got out of one or are burned from a previous one.

Rarely can a girl find a guy who has never had any type of relationship experience. It is like trying to find a unicorn: fruitless and frustrating.

I feel that each relationship deserves its own span of time. Meaning the time when it is alive and thriving, the time when it is dead and gone, and the time you must mourn its existence in your life. People in college often neglect this and then wonder why they are so involuntarily hesitant to begin a new relationship.

Always end one relationship before starting another. Although the occasional relationship overlap inevitably occurs, especially in college, we must remember to pay our respects to the relationships we embark upon. This way, we can have a better chance at avoiding the ghosts of relationships past.

Everyone has baggage. Some people confess it and the others deny it, but we all have baggage. However, it doesn’t make the person taboo and shouldn’t prevent you from starting something new with them.

I have noticed this with guys I have encountered in college and I don’t think girls are giving them enough emotional credit.

Girls are not the only ones who get their hearts broken. Guys get broken up with, cheated on and burned in the same ways girls do, and it can end up scarring them to a point of no return.

I feel that girls easily forget about the guys and don’t realize their actions and reactions toward relationships could be a result of a ghost from their past.

Ghosts of relationships past can prevent a guy from experiencing something new and potentially wonderful. All people have a tendency to unintentionally proceed with caution  when something bad happens to them.

But I have found that guys tip-toe toward relationships after their heart has been broken badly enough, and understandably so.

Who wants to purposely feel that pain and gain another ghost unless it is worth it? Exactly.

In contrast, guys that have yet to obtain a ghost from their past are often too blissfully ignorant to know what is coming their way and are not afraid to dive in head first.

Regardless, if a guy gets burned by a girl, it is hard to return to a complete state of normal. They now know what could come their way again, so it can make them too afraid to try.

Even if a guy is not afraid to give the idea of relationships a second chance, past relationships can change the way he acts or what he expects in a prospective partner.

If a boy dated a girl who was excessively high maintenance or demanding, then it may cause him to think that all girls are like that. Which can consequentially make him inherently apathetic toward women or relationships.

As a girl who has not only been heartbroken but has also has broken the occasional heart, I realize that guys typically don’t like to admit that what they are doing is due to a girl who broke their heart.

Despite this, there has to be a reason behind the cautionary actions. All of us learn what feels bad and then they attempt to avoid it.

So, instead of becoming indifferent because of a prior relationship, realize that the next girl with whom you decide is worth starting a relationship with will be better.

You can learn from your mistakes or her mistakes and have a better understanding of what you want in a companion.

Plus, if it was a bad enough experience, you can only go up from there, right?

Bentley Weisel is a freshman studying magazine journalism and a columnist for The Post. Are you haunting or being haunted? Email Bentley at

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