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Bent on Boys: Women must treasure their 'go-to's'

When a girl like me is rejected by a boy, she often resorts to certain measures she will likely not admit to anyone, even herself.

We all know them. We all have them. And we all need them in our lives at some point throughout the college experience, particularly during the first year when the breakup rate is high.

Some refer to these guys as “back-burners,” “go-to’s,” or at times the infamous “booty-calls,” to put it delicately.

However, I find that these guys, even the booty-calls, are more than that to us damsels in distress.

Let us be honest with ourselves, even when we say it is just physical, it really never is. For if it was, you could pay for it or go to anyone. But something caused you to choose him.

Regardless of your chosen terminology, those of us who have these guys in our lives create them to consistently, and without fail, satisfy our relational needs. Whether that be conversationally, emotionally or even physically.

There is a reason that girls like me turn to a member of the opposite gender, as opposed to our girlfriends, when we are hurt or abandoned by a boy.

They provide exactly what we need in our time of darkness.

When we feel badly about ourselves, they provide the perfect compliment in the most genuine and willing way.

When we need someone to vent to, they provide the perfect ear and presence to make your mood better.

Even when we just want someone to talk to because we feel a little lonely, they are there in a way no girl can be.

These guys are like your favorite cardigan: A little worn, maybe even a hole or two, but in spite of this, you still love wearing and keeping it for when you need it most. It is comforting.

The best part? This guy always seems to respond within a timely manner and is in your life at your discretion.

They are attached enough to always be there but detached enough to go away when the time comes.

This does not make you dependent, incapable or pathetic. It merely allows you to outsource your feelings.

Additionally, you probably have no intentions of actually dating or really being with this guy. Or, even better, you already have dated him.

However, that is not his intended purpose in your life at this point in time. This eliminates pressure and awkwardness because this guy is not meant to be your life, he is meant to be a portion of it.

And for the guys who are/have been/will serve this purpose for a lovely lady in their life, do not be offended.

Be flattered that she needs and wants you there for her. You are able to provide her with the comfort and self-actualization she needs, and that is not easily found or entrusted.

And who knows? Maybe someday, she will stop liking the bad guys who consistently break her heart and realize what she has with you.

Needless to say, it is what it is. We need what we need.

And the back-burner-buddy you have on speed dial? Treasure and appreciate him as a beautiful aspect for the life of modern day college girls.

Bentley Weisel is a freshman studying magazine journalism and a columnist for The Post. Do you ever need to light up the back-burner? Email Bentley at


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