I was interested to read today that President Obama claims that Osama bin Laden has been killed. This is welcome news, of course, if it is true and Obama can prove it.
I have just been in touch with Donald Trump, who expressed his concern that the alleged burial took place at sea, so we are now dependent on the obvious self-interest of the administration to vouch for the authenticity of this blow against terrorism, so well-timed to coincide with the beginning of the 2012 re-election campaign.
‘The Donald’ intimated that he had “heard” from unnamed sources that so far no death certificate has been produced, without which we cannot be sure that bin Laden is actually dead. In fact, Donald, as a dedicated member of the “Birthers,” reminded me that we have never actually seen a birth certificate for bin Laden, so how can we be sure he even existed?
But I digress.
In order to clarify any possible confusion in the mind of the public, Mr. Trump has encouraged me to use the full force of my new movement, “The Deathers,” to force Obama to ’fess up.
Once an alleged certificate is produced, Donald will check the authenticity of the paper and ink, determine what grades bin Laden received in kindergarten and introduce whatever other obfuscating details he can manufacture, so that the public can know the truth, and The Curiously Coiffured Donald can once again boast that “I am proud of myself.” I am sure we can all agree with that sentiment.
Barry G. Thomas is professor emeritus of German.
