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Big Shot Barker: Tumble your way into looking, feeling alternative

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen was last Monday, and the jokes were just as uncomfortable and cringe-worthy as the roast of David Hasselhoff. It was epic. 

Jokes not only went into his drug use, children and “tiger blood,” but also dug into his standup-comedy failure and his character replacement on Two and a Half Men.

Oddly enough, I started to feel sorry for the guy. Then I snapped out of that and continued to feel the way I have always felt: He deserves a swift slap across the face.

I credit myself for his rekindled fame, though. I have hashtagged his many inspirational quotes and watched every interview about his tiger blood, multiple girlfriends and wizarding ways. I guess more power to him for taking humiliation and turning it into newfound wisdom.

Too many times we see celebrities reaping in the dough, but they go in and out of rehab every other day. I think the world would do a whole lot better if there were more Dakota Fannings running around.

I am kind of obsessed with Dakota and her sister Elle. I watch Uptown Girls probably every weekend, and I like to act out the most dramatic scenes.

Then came my fascination with Elle. I went to see Super 8 this summer, and I was dreading it. I had heard that the storyline was based on a small town in Ohio and that one of the scenes in the movie was designed from my town. But that did not make me excited to see it.

Nothing else was playing, so I paid my $7.50 and reluctantly sat in the sticky movie-theater seat.

I remember sitting there and wishing it were Bargain Tuesday instead of full-price tickets on Saturday. The movie started, and I prepared myself for the worst movie ever.

I loved it. I literally sat up and leaned out of my seat to get a closer look at the screen. I was in the third row, which is saying something. I was mesmerized by the entire film and afterward I told everyone that the movie was based on my town. I like to exaggerate.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to post tons of artsy pics of Elle on my Tumblr blog. I didn’t because I felt mildly creepy. Nevertheless, I learned something very important from Elle Fanning.

Posts on Tumblr that are artsy make you artsy. Let me explain.

I like to post images of fashion or artwork. Then I make these really illusive and vague captions that make it seem like I know what I am talking about. However, after I post these pictures, I feel alternative and hipster — terms that do not have a place in my usual vernacular.

This is how I have crafted my persona. Most would probably not call it a “persona,” but rather a poor attempt at being current.

However, I know there are people out there who have Tumblr blogs just like mine and use it for the same reason. I know because I follow some of them.

So, no matter how many followers you might have on your Tumblr blog, just remember two very important things.

You are only as current as the picture you post, and it is perfectly acceptable to constantly update your social-networking sites with quotes from Charlie Sheen.

This is America, you know.

The land of the free and home of the tiger blood.

Hallie Gebel is a sophomore studying broadcast journalism and a columnist for The Post. Check Hallie out at or email her at

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