I am “talking” to a wonderful guy. We’ve hung out a few times, and recently he’s tried to take things to a more sexual place. He hasn’t tried anything, but he wants to sext and honestly, I can’t even talk about sex without blushing. How do I get comfortable talking about sex?
Jeepers. This answer is going to take lots of onion-y layers, so let us take this journey slowly and together, shall we?
First off, if you’re not comfortable talking about sex, you’re not comfortable — plain and simple. That’s not bad for the most part, and I’m assuming if you’re not comfortable talking about it, then you’re not comfortable having it with this guy, so let him know. If he can’t be OK about cooling his jets for a bit, tell him to take a hike. You can even say I said it. I now give everyone permission to use me as his or her scapegoat … except for, like, murders and stuff.
Everyone is different when it comes to sex and relationships. I have a dear, unnamed friend who wants nothing more than to go on cliché movie-esque dates and go no further than kissing (I, on the other hand, am on a completely different end of that spectrum…). She blushes at the mention of sex, and I love her anyway.
Now, I’m never going to make you do anything you’re not comfortable with, even in column form, but there is something to be said about being comfortable with talking about sex. I get that not everyone is going to be running his or her own sex column (please don’t try to take my job; I like it here), but sex is a normal part of life. It’s just like eating or drinking or crying to Adele’s music: It’s a human function.
Again, not saying you have to start reading up on anal penetration and discussing oral sex techniques at the dinner table, but it is OK to get yourself more comfortable with the idea of sex. Read some books, maybe talk about which guys you think are “yumz” with some friends; get yourself educated if you genuinely want to get more comfortable.
If you do all of this and you still aren’t so keen about chatting about coitus, that is 100 percent peachy keen, jelly bean. All anyone can ever ask of you is that you try and you get educated in the process. You can’t force yourself to be comfortable.
If this does work in helping yourself to be more comfortable with talking dirty, then … hooray! Just be sure to only be doing things you’re comfortable with and that you want to do.
Other than that, I’ll turn off my mama bear mode for two seconds and give you a high five. Also, now you can get cosmos and brunch with me and we can swap stories!
OK, let’s be real, you can do that no matter what. I love brunch.
Kristin Salaky is a sophomore studying journalism. Is your sex life more bland than spicy? Send your sex, love and relationship questions to Kristin at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com.
