Bedpost,
My boyfriend and I have fantastic sex, which I guess I feel lucky for, but he does this really creepy thing where he talks really dirty to me during sex. I’ve told him to stop, but he’s told me he can’t help it. I don’t like to talk when there’s so much else going on...What do I do?
Kristin:
Dear Reader,
Earplugs?
This is a tricky one because for anyone who reads this column knows my favorite answer is communication, communication…and also communication. It seems you have that down pat, so I won’t bore you there.
You’ve told your partner that this makes you feel uncomfortable and yet he still does it…sounds pretty problematic to me. While this isn’t the worse case of it, a partner should never do anything between the sheets that makes you feel icky, especially on purpose.
What I can suggest is perhaps a compromise. If you are comfortable, maybe turn it into a game? Sometimes a little dirty talk during foreplay or roleplaying can be a welcome change if you’re up to it. Then, when it’s time for the main event maybe he’ll know it’s time to zip his lip.
If all else fails there’s also a ball gag. Or simply telling him it’s nookie your way or no way.
Ian:
It seems you have already taken what would have been my best advice to you in telling your boyfriend you want him to stop the dirty talk. I’m sorry to hear this didn’t work, but I would recommend going back to the conversation and really getting the point across to him that you aren’t comfortable with his verbal presence in bed and see if a more emphatic approach to the talk won’t get the job done.
If what he says is true and he actually cannot help it, talk to him about toning it down some. You’ve described it as “really dirty,” so propose to him the idea of just “slightly dirty” talk. You might still be uncomfortable with that, but perhaps your boyfriend censoring himself could alleviate some of the discomfort.
What could be even more effective is asking if he can internalize the talk. See if he can keep a running monologue in him mind during the deed but not utter any of it out loud. That could help him stop his dirty talk.
An extreme solution could be some form of mouth cover. However, if you’re as opposed to the dirty talk as you say you are, there’s a good chance gagging isn’t your thing either. That would be more of a lesser-of-two-evils last resort.
I do still think you should try talking with your boyfriend again with some added bullet points and a more rousing argument, but other than him stopping of his own volition, there aren’t many good ways to make the dirty talk end, as far as I can tell.
Kristin Salaky is a junior studying journalism and culture editor for The Post. Ian Ording is a junior studying journalism. Have problems in the bedroom? Email us at thebedpostpeople@gmail.com
