You would think casting a 39-year-old Bachelorette lead would translate into the most mature season in Bachelor franchise history. Wrong. The only thing Clare Crawley is doing as the Bachelorette is showing everything not to do when looking for a relationship.
Week two of The Bachelorette picks back up in Palm Springs with two group dates and the first one-on-one of the season. Since we’re apparently already skipping rose ceremonies, let’s just go ahead and take the strip dodgeball humiliation as compensation.
Besides Dale, it seems like the men on the season are more invested with their bromances with each other than Clare herself. But on the other hand, it seems like Clare is only interested in Dale and simply babysitting the rest of them. It’s already a mess, and Tayshia Adams couldn’t be stepping in soon enough, assuming the rumors are true. Here’s a highlight reel from episode two of The Bachelorette:
Worst performance: Clare
They always say you can’t love someone until you love yourself. For Crawley, it seems like she’s not there just yet. This season feels like The Bachelorette herself is still in some process of healing and trying to find the right man to numb those feelings along the way.
With only two episodes underway, the emotional activities she’s forcing upon the guys seem like a desperate call to elicit a false sense of vulnerability. Don’t get me wrong: it’s refreshing to see contestants open up. However, it’s far too premature at this point in the season.
Even before knowing the men on a surface level, she’s already trying to dig into the darkness of the past from some. During her one-on-one with Jason, her activities of choice were a “cleansing scream” by taking turns writing negative things that others have said about them. This lead to Jason admitting he’s not ready to open the “Pandora Box” of his past because there are “demons” inside.
He clearly didn’t want to get into it, and she continues to pry with a very tone-deaf response of “Is there like, dark, heavy stuff?” With no other choice, Jason tells her about his previous manipulative behaviors. It’s everything Clare wants to hear because clearly, she’s here for someone who will change their “bad boy gone good boy” ways for her.
Best date: Strip dodgeball
“I really do want a man with some balls!” she said. So obviously, the second group date consisted of dodgeball. Clare decided to make it all the more humiliating by making it a game of “strip dodgeball,” which apparently is a thing now. The guys had “nah” written all over their faces. The players split up into two teams, and before we know it, the blue team is completely naked. Per Clare’s punishment, the losing team has to execute a “walk of shame” in nothing but sneakers back to the villas. Poor guys.
The winning team was treated to a crowded cocktail party, which Blake took upon himself to crash. And no, his grand gesture was not seen as so. “That did not go the way I thought it was going to,” he mumbled after being shut down by Clare. “I haven’t been rejected like that in a long time.” Don’t worry, Clare continues her contradicting ways and grants him a rose at the next group gathering.
Biggest L: Brandon
Imagine the worst fumble you’ve ever seen. Brandon did exactly that and more. It seems like things are going well as the two sit down for a moment alone during a cocktail party. Brandon explains that he just “knew” to sign up for the show as soon as he found out Clare was cast as the lead.
Things only get ugly the moment Clare asks him to elaborate, and he has nothing to say other than “you’re just so gorgeous.” She’s clearly displeased and continues asking, “Is there any other thing that made you wanna come on for me?” Brandon is sweating it out in the hot seat and literally cannot even form half of a reason why he likes her, aside from her looks. On his behalf, it is only week two, and at least he’s not someone who obsessively stalked her pre-season. But as we said, if you aren’t obsessed with everything about Clare, you’re out.
After one thing leads to another, Brandon quickly gets the chopping block. “I’m not saying Brandon’s a bad guy, but I had to send him home because I know what I’m looking for,” she explains after escorting him out into the reject SUV.
