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BedPost: Tips to get over vanilla sex

Getting in a new relationship, or situationship, can be amazing: the excitement of the first kiss, the anticipation before the first time having sex. The unknown can actually be invigorating, but this feeling doesn’t always last. 

There comes a point in a relationship where the honeymoon phase ends, and the sexual spark may fizzle out. The same position that once excited you greatly now has no effect. Some partners are just bad at sex, but in many cases, you just need a new trick or two to spice up your sex life. 

Here are some tips to get over vanilla sex: 

Switchin’ the positions 

As much basic sex can be fun and intimate, positions like missionary and doggy style can get boring fast. Whether you’re a dom or a sub, switching positions with your partner frequently makes sex surprising and exciting. 

Cowgirl riding, “69ing” and the splits — when the bottom partner has one leg over the top partner’s shoulders — are little ways to spice up positions for those who don’t want to go too crazy. If these ever don’t meet your needs, adding a dash of choking, hair pulling and dirty talk can make sex even more exhilarating. 

It’s a toy story 

An easy way to liven up sex with your partner is using toys, especially with my personal favorite, handcuffs. You don’t have to spend a ton of money on them, either. It can be as simple as rope and duct tape from the dollar store or you can go all out and have a shopping spree at Spencer’s.

Getting tied up, blindfolded or even taped on the mouth by your partner can be thrilling. It’s fun being the one in control, but it’s even more fun when you’ve lost it. It also adds a trust element with your partner. You’re trusting them with your body, and that in a way can bring you closer together. 

Open up the fridge

Using food during sex may seem like a hot mess, but if done properly, it can actually be incredibly sexy. Common and more safe options are whipped cream, chocolate sauce and cherries. 

My favorite “food” option is ice cubes. Notably used in “Fifty Shades of Grey,” place an ice cube about halfway in your mouth. Run the ice along your partner’s body (chest being the best place for boys, thighs and stomach being the best place for girls). After that, you can ditch the ice, and lick your partner to drive them crazy. For the cherry on top, you can also use the rest of the ice cube to give a partner the best blowjob they’ve ever had. 

Hands on activities

Handjobs and fingering may feel like freshman year of high school. Most people know the importance of this foreplay, yet many don’t take the time to do it justice. 

Spending more time leading up to sex makes it way more thrilling than just jumping to the climax, literally. The key to finger work is actually the thumb. For both sexes, the trick is to work in the thumb. Even for taking care of male partners, working in some thumb action up and down at your partner’s tip can make foreplay enjoyable and possibly better than the sex. 

BedPost is a relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post. 

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