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Darn it, Daniel: Napoleon movie makes Napoleon biggest bro ever

When you ask most people what they liked about their Thanksgiving break, they respond, “The food,“ and those people are nerds. Thanksgiving food isn’t even that good, but it’s just okay. 

But if you asked me the highlight of my Thanksgiving, I’d tell you it was when I got to see the new movie “Napoleon.”

What makes the movie awesome is that it felt like you walked up to Napoleon and were like, “Dude, what’s all the coolest and funniest stuff you’ve ever done in your life?” and then you put together a highlight reel of Napoleon’s, life and then you remember, “Oh, we have to show most of his life in the last 20 minutes.”

The reason I love this movie so much is because they found a way to make Napoleon the original bro. Like everything he says could be said by any bro today. 

At one point, he goes home because he finds out his wife is cheating through the newspaper. He gets home and asks the maid where his wife is, and the maid tells him she’s gone.

He asks if she means to tell him the whole world knows I'm coming home except for his cheating wife, and then throws a tantrum and shatters a glass. At that moment, I felt him. 

Most people go and attack the dude who seduced their wife. Not Napoleon, he just throws a tantrum and then tells her she better be the best wife ever from here on out.

Another thing that makes Napoleon such a bro is before every battle, he writes to his wife saying, “My dear wife, you better not be cheating on me, also write me letters back, oh and by the way, I’m going to attack this place and, I’m fully confident I’ll win,” which he does. 

And if he did lose, he would just write to his wife and be like I'm just going to attack these nerds again.

When Napoleon wins a battle, he also just suddenly turns into a frat guy, and so the enemy general or king will come over, and Napoleon brings out wine, and he’s always like, how cool is it that we get to be friends now as if he didn’t just kill all of these poor guy’s men.

Throughout the whole movie, Napoleon has this attitude where he just looks at stuff and thinks, “Yeah, I could probably do that.”

One day, Napoleon's brother asks him, “If I made you a general what would you do?” And he doesn't respond with any strategy, he just goes, “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

Another time he came home from Egypt to the government dudes, and they asked him why he abandoned his post, and he was like, “Because if I'm not here, who’s gonna run this country? Not any of you numbnuts.” 

And then they just let him be king. 

To finish off this talk, he’s about to storm out, and he goes, “Also, I’m back because my wife is cheating on me.”

I also feel as though there was a sort of Napoleon mindset on set because it seems director Ridley Scott went in and told everyone, “Hey, I’m blowing up the pyramid,” and they were like, “That never happened,” and then he just was like, “But It could have,” and they were just like, “OK, let’s do it.” 

So you are watching the movie, and you feel like, yeah this all would have happened, then Napoleon pulls up to Egypt, shoots two cannons at the pyramids and then the Egyptian soldiers don’t fire back. They are just like, “We didn’t expect that,” then go home. No big battle. Just, “Nope, we can't fight this guy.”

You’d think this has to be a dream sequence or something, but no, he just does it.

Overall, the movie was fine, like a 6/10. They couldn’t decide which way they wanted to take it, but what they did nail is by the end of it, every dude was rooting for Napoleon and at the same time, they thought, “Yeah, I can probably be Napoleon.”

Daniel Gorbett is a freshman at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Daniel know by emailing him at

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