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Darn it, Daniel: My college experience is the equivalent of making a child go to college

Last night I watched the movie “Big” starring Tom Hanks and it made me think two things. One, how that woman fell in love with a child is highly concerning. Two, I am pretty much the same as Tom Hanks in that movie. Not that I wished to be an adult, but I am 19 years old and essentially a child stuck in college.

My roommate makes his bed all the time. I get if you just washed your sheets and put them back on the bed, but why would I make my bed every morning just to come back and mess it all up again? 

I also don’t understand how partying works. I would feel pretty goofy dancing, wouldn’t all of you? I have been to several high school dances, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but school dances are the same thing as parties. The only difference is when you go to a high school dance, everyone gets drunk beforehand, and at a party, they are still getting drunk. As a sober Bobcat, it doesn’t sound like the most fun thing in the world to go somewhere with sweaty, gross people and jump up and down while you spill beer on each other. 

This brings me to my next point: one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard is people saying they are going to “mosh” at the party they’re going to. I don’t think any of you have ever looked up “moshing” on YouTube because when you do it comes up with a bunch of people at a local metal concert intentionally and aggressively pushing into each other while jumping around. 

Also, why do people enjoy beer? It’s the ingredients of bread in liquid form — just eat a bagel. It also feels silly for myself and other fellow sober Bobcats to ask if there is any lemonade to drink instead of beer.

My childish ways don’t end there. I don’t go through my day expecting to eat at typical breakfast, lunch and dinner times. Rather, if I stumble across food, I eat it. Also, my favorite foods are chicken, hamburgers and spaghetti. I eat those three food groups, and if I can’t find any of them, I eat goldfish or teddy bears. 

I have also not been able to find my key for two weeks. The other day, I knocked on my RA’s door for the fifth time in three days so I could get into my dorm and he got angry — if he can’t do that, what is he good for? 

I also didn’t know what I was supposed to bring to college so I ended up bringing maybe 50 comic books. If you walked up to my desk and opened any of the drawers, you would find them full of comic books to the brim. 

I also have legos on my desk just for fun. They don’t have sentimental value, I didn’t build them with someone I love; they’re legitimately just for fun. 

My favorite game is Fortnite and I started foaming at the mouth when I heard about the Fortnite Eminem concert. This love for Fortnite causes my childish instincts to perk up, so sometimes, I accidentally stay up all night playing or just watching movies or cartoons. 

If anyone knows of any cool Lego sets coming out or wants to duo up on Fortnite, email me. Additionally, my current go-to meal is chicken fingers from Texas Roadhouse, so if anyone knows of where to get some really good chicken tenders and fries around Athens, let me know immediately.

Daniel Gorbett is a freshman at Ohio University. Please note that the views and opinions of the columnist do not reflect those of The Post. What are your thoughts? Let Daniel know by emailing him at

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