Picture this: as you pound back the remainder of your 16-ounce Miller Lite, you take the time to shake back your flowy hair and flash your good friend Tom's grandmother a sly flirtatious smile.
But wait! Instead of crushing the can in between your massive bicep and tossing it carelessly to the already littered floor, you can take two steps to the left and turn right to find a perfectly amazing invention called the recycling bin.
It's not cool or hip to litter folks. Nobody thinks so, not even Tom’s grandmother.
Unfortunately, the more I wake up and walk to class or to get lunch on a Saturday, the more trash I notice lying in the grass on the sidewalks and around residence halls on campus. That's why my decree today, dear reader, is to please make sure to clean up after yourself.
It's an undeniable fact that Ohio University has a beautiful campus. However, college students have a tendency when getting intoxicated or when they are in a rush, to use the campus as their personal trash can.
The even sadder fact is that Ohio University is home to a lot — and I mean a lot — of wildlife. I do not even need to pull out any facts or statistics to prove this. I have nearly risked chemical warfare by stepping on two skunks myself. And if I had a nickel for every deer and squirrel I saw, I could quite easily pay off next semester's tuition.
Those little critters are also sadly hungry and curious, so the odds of them eating garbage and becoming sick or dying are very high.
Also, we do not need a deer sipping the remainder of last night's Twisted Tea. We have all witnessed deer when sober get hit numerous times by oncoming traffic. We do not need a deer amped up off cheap alcohol that you left sitting out last night to get up the confidence to ram your mother's 2009 Subaru Forester.
I know that in the moment it is easy to simply throw trash away to nature. But this can be simply fixed by taking the little extra step of using trash bags, recycling bins or even pockets.
I store about 90% of the trash I create in the back of my jeans pockets. Laugh all you want, but I throw my junk away.
And I know what you're thinking, “Drew, are you telling me that you have never in all your time here at beautiful Ohio University, littered?” False. I have, and never will litter again.
The only time I have remotely come close to littering was when I intentionally tossed trash around police. The reason? To make sure the boys in blue stay sharp and do their jobs of writing me up. If not, I reveal the sting operation and write THEM up to their superior.
I joke, but in all seriousness, be aware of what you are doing and try to pitch in to keep our campus clean. It's easy and simple and does not take much effort to accomplish.
Drew is a freshman studying communications at Ohio University. Please note that the opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect those of The Post. Want to Talk to Drew about his article? Tweet him @haughn_drew24.