We’re not exactly sure who first suggested telling everyone we knew that Ryan Maxin and Claire Schiopota were related. Claire might’ve jokingly said it while the two sat in her dorm room on the third floor of Washington Hall during the Spring Semester of their freshman year. Ryan probably laughed along and one-upped the joke somehow. It was soon decided that the joke would become a reality.
Since the two of us hung out so consistently, it was quickly decided this was a fool-proof method to escape dating rumors. It would be gross to ship two people who were actually cousins. It was just assumed Ryan and Claire weren’t close before college and reconnected while joining The Post during the Fall Semester.
To make the ruse believable, we learned each other’s parents’ names and made a family tree. Ryan deeply resembled Claire’s dad, so it only made sense to make him Ryan’s uncle. Our parents even knew about the joke and thought it was hilarious. Family pictures were taken whenever they visited.
At first, everyone believed us, but our group of immediate friends soon caught on. Fellow Post seniors, Tate Raub and Isabel Nissley, who lived down the hallway from Claire’s dorm, weren’t fooled for too long. A floor below, Ashley Beach just rolled her eyes. Other Post seniors believed it for longer, including Tre Spencer, Molly Wilson, Kayla Bennett and Hannah Campbell. It wasn’t too long before they figured it out too, though. We should’ve known journalists couldn’t help but find out the truth.
This group of freshmen would eventually become some of our closest friends. And they decided to join Claire and Ryan in the joke, making it a class initiative to get people to believe they were truly related.
As the years passed, the façade faded. But still, to this day, some of our group’s extended friends believe it.
Our lie is an analogy to the endurance of our friend group. The people we mentioned earlier, including some others, became “Cookies,” named after our group chat (which was named after an inside joke that shall remain inside). We all met freshman year and have remained friends over four short years. Now, as we approach graduation, we intend to hold onto those friendships the way we’ve held onto our Cousin Con.
We should mention, also, that The Post is the common denominator between us. The Post brought us together, and we wouldn’t be the group we are without it. Not only did it give us an activity and organization to bond over, it gave us a place to hang out. Though we have all transformed and grown since those early days of college when we would hang out in the newsroom until 3 a.m., we all credit The Post with bringing up the best friends we could ever ask for.
To those who just found out, sorry we deceived you. We’re not actually cousins, but after spending four years together at Ohio University, it sure feels like we’re related. As we depart after graduation, we hope you all will form friendships as rewarding and close as the ones we have.
Claire Schiopota and Ryan Maxin are seniors studying journalism at Ohio University. Please note the views and opinions of the columnists do not reflect that of The Post. Want to talk to Claire and Ryan about their column? Email Claire at cs123719@ohio.edu and email Ryan at rm554219@ohio.edu.
