I'm a virgin. Not just an everything except penetration virgin, but rather an all-around gold star virgin. Kissing and hand-holding are where my experience ends. As sad as it sounds, I have my vibrator to get me through the tough days, and well, let's be honest, the good days too.
Although I might be a virgin, I’m not a prude. Having sex isn’t something I have avoided all these years; the opportunity hasn’t presented itself to me, or at least an opportunity I’ve wanted to take. Having sex isn’t something that should be rushed or expected at any time in your life.
The decision to have sex is an important decision that shouldn’t be influenced by societal or relationship pressure. Whether someone chooses to have sex or not, there should be no shame in either game.
I call myself a virgin because saying “I’ve never had sex” doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well; however, just because you haven’t had sex doesn’t mean you have to call yourself a virgin. Virginity in itself is ambiguous and subjective. Some people may define virginity as never having had penetrative sex, some may say it’s never having had penis-in-vagina sex and some may say it’s never having had any kind of sex, including oral and anal. Moral of the story, virginity is a construct that lacks a scientific biological definition.
The hymen is often associated with virginity. In the Middle Ages, on a woman’s wedding night, it was expected for her to bleed while having sex for the first time. It was believed that if the hymen wasn’t “broken” during her first time having penetrative sex, she wasn’t a virgin and was guilty of premarital sex.
Contrary to popular beliefs of the Middle Ages and now, the hymen has very little to do with virginity.
The hymen is a thin tissue located at the opening of the vagina, and it’s biologically different for everyone. Some people have a very small, barely-there hymen and some have a larger hymen. In rare cases, some people may have a hymen that covers the entire vaginal opening or a septate hymen that creates two small openings in the vagina.
One myth about the hymen is that it’s broken the first time someone engages in penetrative sex. The hymen doesn’t typically break all at once, rather it wears down over time. Inserting a tampon, physical activity and masturbation can cause the hymen to stretch or wear and can cause bleeding. The hymen has nothing to do with sexual pleasure. Especially considering that penetrative sexual activities are not the only way to experience pleasure. There are other options, such as stimulating the clitoris or the nipples. Even during masturbation, penetration is not a necessity.
Now, don’t get it twisted, just because I haven't had sex doesn’t mean I don’t love an orgasm. That’s why I masturbate. There is a long history of women being shamed for engaging in any sexual activity, including masturbation. While male masturbation is deemed acceptable, female masturbation isn’t as widely accepted or talked about.
A sexual partner is not something you need to have a good time. Masturbation is a spectacular way to experience pleasure all on your own. It is a great way to practice self-care and to get to know your body. It is important to understand what your body needs and wants to have a pleasurable sexual experience. Masturbation is also healthy, not only for males but for females as well. Physically, it can help prevent cervical infections and relieve urinary tract infections. It’s also associated with improved cardiovascular health, increased pelvic floor strength and can prevent insomnia. Psychologically, masturbation can improve mood, relieve stress and strengthen relationships with sexual partners and with yourself.
Virginity, sex and masturbation are topics that are shied away from too often. Your sexual pleasure is yours alone, so it’s important to get to know what your body wants, and you don’t need to have a partner to do so. We all deserve a good orgasm here and there. Use your hand, a sex toy or another consenting person, whatever sizzles your bacon.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post.
