First dates can be nerve-racking, especially depending on your motives. Whether it takes you hours or minutes to get ready to see a movie or eat dinner, everyone should have a routine for first dates.
I was talking to a single friend about meeting new guys this semester. She told me she went on a first date and admitted that she had sex during it. I assured her I have been in the same boat. Then we talked more about what we do on first dates. Surprisingly, it seems first dates have patriarchal expectations.
Manners aren’t gendered or exclusive to first dates, so it should be as easy as a quick online search of how to act at the dinner table. However, manners and rules have become barriers for first dates.
For example, when on a first date, it is typical for women to order salads; my friend did. Ordering a salad can be a choice made to look disciplined or feminine. Ordering a salad can also keep someone from feeling bloated while trying to appear attractive.
A user on Reddit explained why they order salad on dates. “Because I don’t want to eat heavy and spend the night digesting instead of getting laid,” they said.
Many cultures still value women eating last and the least. Of course, it carries over in the United States. A feminist push and pull appears when I tell my friends I don’t eat with my hands on the first date because I can do what I want but I don’t want to seem sloppy and messy.
Choosing cheaper options for dates is also a common rule. Even today, it is common for single men to pay for the date. Unfortunately, unlike manners, paying seems to become a rule for the masculine partner. The pay gap might take the blame for men being expected to pay, but women shouldn’t rely on their date for free food.
As women adopt rules around eating less and men adopt paying for the food, manners should stick with both. Treating your date with respect by opening doors or saying “thanks” for the meal are simple manners that go a long way.
A date should be fun; order whatever you want by whatever rules you follow for the date. Also, testing your date based on what they order might not be the best move as everyone is different. For user @princesslondn on Threads, a test seemed more like an unfair stereotype. The user’s date explained that he had a test to see what women would order on a date. He said, “most girls know you don't eat on a first date.”
Comfortability is huge in relationships and deciding how you carry yourself at dinner can help you better make the transition to romance and intimacy. Food is intimate by satisfying our taste buds, and your partner should do the same. Having rules that don’t restrict your diet in hopes of being desirable is undesirable.
People pampering themselves before the date and restricting their diet to prevent bloating seems to be in pursuit of being desirable. It is up to you, however, to decide how many bases you’re willing to run on a first date. Many people feel closer to their partner after waiting to have sex, so it is normal to set that boundary. Especially if you follow the three date rule.
Most use the rule to determine the activity for each date. For example, the first date should be light and simple with questions that help you get to know your date. Conversation can lead to the activity you do on the second date which is intended to see how you and this person operate as a team. The third rule is usually more romantic and can escalate into intimacy.
For me, having the 'no sex' rule on the first date has led dates to try and break it. The rule brings impatience to wait for the next date or it can have your date stop seeing you as soon as they get in your pants.
Despite conversations about premarital sex, couples do find more sexual satisfaction in their relationship after building communication and stability before using sex as a distraction. The idea of having emotional connection before sex is a common one. It is good as a reason to wait for sex.
However, 73% of couples who had sex on the first date were committed after six months compared to those who did not. Sex during a first date can put passion on the table much sooner. Intimacy brings a certain level of vulnerability, so I usually choose waiting for the second date.
If you look inward about what sex means to you, you may have no problem having sex on the first date. Defining those expectations in a way that aligns you and your relationship is so important. Bedpost is here to discuss those sexual hurdles after the first time you and your partner have sex, and to help you discern what boundaries to set.
BedPost is a sex and relationship column that does not reflect the views of The Post. Want to share your thoughts? Email the Editor in Chief at editor@thepostathens.com.
