There comes a time in the lives of all sports fans when they must figure out who their enemies are. And no, I'm not writing this to tell you that you are my enemy (unless, of course, you stole my Smashing Pumpkins CD when I was in 11th grade, in which case I am writing this for that purpose). I'm talking about the Ohio football team's game this weekend with supposed rival Miami.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure that the people in Oxford are nice and interesting individuals, but that doesn't mean that we can't be filled with uneducated disdain for their university, and, particularly, their football program.
You see, one thing that this university has lacked during my entire career here is a true passion for its sports. The heart of this problem exists in the lack of a true rival for our school. So often in sports we can define our true love for one team through an understanding of our hatred for another team. Case in point: the way I love my Cleveland Browns can most effectively be stated in my complete hatred of the Pittsburgh Steelers and those 0-1 Baltimore Ravens.
But throughout my career here at Ohio we have not had that feeling about Miami. In fact, Miami has been more like a brother school. While real rivalries go by tough-sounding nicknames like The Battle for Paul Bunyan's Axe (Wisconsin-Minnesota), our rivalry with Miami is dubbed The Battle of the Bricks
making it sound like two rich kids comparing the walkways to their mansions.
Of course, I understand that there are some reasons to stick to Miami's side: its success of late has only boosted the recruiting power of the Mid-American Conference, and its bowl bids have garnered much needed media attention for all MAC games.
On the other hand, it is for that reason more than any other that we should hate them. Why should a school in the same state as us, who copied our brick campus design (ha, they're so lame they even copied the design before we were a school; what a bunch of jerks), be so successful?
So it is my goal this week to start a real rivalry between Ohio and Miami. Now I know this is going to be hard, but the seven of you who read my column need to back me up on this one. For starters, real rivalries are made as much out of trash talking as they are actual game play, so I'm going to take every opportunity that I can to knock Miami (losers) this week. See? It's already started.
So I wish you all the best of luck in Ohio's newest tradition of Hate Miami Week, something that will unite us all into a brotherhood of love and winning football teams.
Oh, and in case hating Miami just because they're our rival wasn't enough, let me throw this out there: a win this weekend at Miami would make Ohio 2-1 going into its game against Buffalo. And since playing Buffalo is like playing your kid brother in basketball on one of those adjustable eight-foot hoops (uh oh, Bobby, looks like Mike's gonna dunk it again), a win this weekend could be the start of an early-season run for the Bobcats.
Now, don't you just hate those jerks from Oxford?
-Cottrill is a senior English major who chooses to ignore the fact that Ohio has lost nine of its last 10 games against Miami. Hey, it's a new season. Send him an e-mail at michael.cottrill @ohiou.edu. 17
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Mike Cottrill
