Got a hot date, bro.
That chick I saw at Broney's last weekend - totally slamming that tonight.
I figure I'll take her out to dinner. It's only right. You don't hit a home run your first swing. You need at least a couple innings to warm up, bro.
I'll pull up to her house in my fly Honda Civic, knock on her door and say, Hey girl
you ready? She'll say, Yeah and giggle a little bit.
We'll start rolling, I'll turn on some Ne-Yo and serenade her a little bit. Dude, the ladies fall for that stuff, man.
I don't know where I'm going to take her though, maybe somewhere nice like Olive Garden or Applebee's. The most important thing is to be polite, at least at first. I'll open her door because it's a gentlemanly thing to do. Now think about that word for a sec, Gentlemanly. Gently. Manly. That's what I'm talking about - take the girl out to dinner and show her what a man you are later.
I'll charm her with my vast store of Family Guy jokes because the only thing girls like better than a guy that looks this fly is a funny guy that looks this fly.
I'm just really stoked for this date man. She's a total slampiece. If things go well, I'll take her back to my place, turn on a movie, and you know. Besides, I just found Anchorman in the $5 bin and I'm totally stoked to watch it. I'll throw my arm around her shoulder, she'll borough into my well-defined pecs. Then it's go time.
That's right, dinner and movie, bro. They've been doing it for centuries.
Rosie Haney is a junior studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Do you love Ron Burgundy too? Let Rosie know at mh317008@ohiou.edu.
So I guess I have a date.
I don't really know how or why this happened but the guy asked me to hang out. I said I guess.
He left me a note in my mailbox that he wrote on paper he made himself that read something like Let's hang out at 8ish tomorrow. Exact times are not really cool but I guess that I can let it slide because he made the paper and put ish.
Typically for my dates, I like to sit in my garage on my Victorian-style sofa, have a PBR or 6, and watch movies projected onto a hanging sheet. It's perfect because the open garage door lets in a nice breeze and wishful glances from the neighbors.
I know they want to be as inventive as us; they are just longing to comprehend the meanings of the complex indie flicks we understand so well that we aren't even paying attention.
Other things I like to do on date: coffee, reading, sleeping, smoking and getting obnoxiously blitzed in ugly sweaters.
I guess when I have these so-called dates, I try to put on something I have washed semi-recently and brush my hair into a dramatic swoop over my eyes. You know, so he doesn't think I am too into it.
Usually, when he pulls up in his light blue Ford Futura, I switch the music from my Mac to a record player, you know, to set the mood, or whatever.
Overall, I would say that a date is kinda whatever. I mean the point is to make an impression, right? Good thing I do that every single day.
Jess Neidhart is a junior studying English and Spanish and a columnist for The Post. Want to have an ugly sweater party so you can meet that perfect match? Send Jess an invite at jn250307@ohiou.edu.
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