Books are the salt-free, bacon alternative of the mind.
But you probably shouldn't eat them. They would be a good source of fiber, though, and being regular is manly.
Men have a voracious hunger for knowledge that only a perfectly healthy, lifelong passion/obsession with reading can satiate.
Hundreds of years ago, while climbing a tree, man realized that he had too much in common with bears: a large appetite, a passion for fishing and back hair. He decided to take up reading (and thumb twiddling) as a way to show bears what's what.
Days later, after finishing A Tale of Two Cities and Crime and Punishment (rather impressive, however, like bears, man had a lot of free time), man decreed reading to be awesome and decided to make literacy a regular part of his life.
I have seen a man eat an entire restaurant full of fortune cookies just so that he could read the fortunes.
Books hold great stories of some men who like apples so much that they are willing to risk compromising the homeostasis of an environment by introducing a foreign species and other men, some of whom have hyperactive thyroid glands that allow them to become great lumberjacks.
Reading books is like lifting weights with your mind.
Expanding horizons is manly, both the metaphysical process of striving toward enlightenment and the cutting down of trees in order to make books.
Darwin (man) was like, Ya know what
Mr. History of Everything That Has Ever Happened? You're wrong and I'm gonna write a book about it.
Books can change the world.
Some books even have pictures.
A library card is like a manliness badge.
Libraries do their best to act like the building form of a man. Not only do they generously distribute non-steroidal knowledge enhancers, but also they come up with unreasonably complicated methods for organizing their possessions.
Plus, libraries date back to a man who spent his free time striking himself with lightning and declaring his independence from the most powerful nations on Earth.
Men devour letters on a page with the speed of a hungry dog playing Meat Scrabble.
Men read newspapers because it gives them an excuse to cross their legs, look sophisticated and show off their new shoes.
Symbolism: abstract, vague, arguable, manly.
Men: symbolic.
@ThePostCulture
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Culture
Alex Bill
