In the spirit of Diversity Awareness Month at Ohio University, let's spend a few minutes away from digesting our Hungriest Campus In America title to learn more about my favorite sect: Mormon Fundamentalists.
It may sound boring, Bobcat Nation, but learning about other cultures is important because it makes you realize how backward they are and how everything we do in Christian America is right.
Take marriage, for example. Any dunderhead with a third-grade education knows one man plus one woman equals eternal happiness. But Mormon Fundamentalists have their own equation: one man plus at least three women is something you can brag about forever.
Polygamy seems silly at first ' a house can only take so much cleaning. Not to mention my working definition of marriage is a little strict from when we were oppressing The Gays back in 2004. But in the spirit of diversity, I opened my mind and saw that marriage doesn't have to be about a lifelong bond between two people. It can also be a great way to hire cooks and baby sitters without paying them.
Before you run out and get marriage licenses for your extramarital tennis partners
you should know polygamy is illegal in every state. Even the official Mormon church discontinued the practice in 1890, bending to public and governmental pressure.
Even though Mormon founder Joseph Smith claimed to receive this and similar revelations directly from God, the main church thought it could ignore this one and still be fine on the whole salvation thing. Fundamentalists, however, simply don't throw out the politically incorrect parts of their religion, and you've got to respect them for sticking to their guns.
As you may expect, feminists have downplayed the benefits of polygamy. Many see multiple wives where there is only one husband and assume he is subjugating them all so he can lay in a hammock all day while his wives serve him pi+ 17
Archives
Chris Yonker
200804087576midsize.jpeg
