Hello,
I messed around with this guy I like during the weekend. He invited me to spend the night, but when I told him I wanted to have sex, he said we shouldn't, so we didn't. I'm confused - I thought sex is what guys want. What am I doing wrong?
Thanks,
Denied
Denied,
It sounds to me as if your crush was just being a nice guy and possibly thinking of having a relationship with you in the future.
It's a pretty sweeping generalization to say sex is what guys want. Give them some credit; not all men are sex-crazed idiots, and some of them are more concerned with forming relationships than getting laid.
Personally, I think it's very difficult (nearly impossible, really) to have a relationship with someone if you have sex too soon. Even if you aren't a victim of the awkwardness that sometimes comes after having sex with a person you barely know, sex changes relationships.
Sex can change any type of relationship, even friendships, so it's best to be sure you know what you want out of a relationship before you sleep with someone. It's possible your crush isn't quite sure how he feels about you yet or wants to maintain your friendship.
It's also incredibly possible this guy thinks he has feelings for you and wants to move slowly. I mean, he did ask you to spend the night, which gives me the idea he probably looks at you as more than just a friend.
There's nothing wrong with moving slowly, and if you're trying to have a relationship beyond hooking up, it's probably the best way to get there. There are a lot of emotions attached to sex, whether you realize it or are prepared for those emotions, which can really complicate a relationship during its beginning.
It doesn't seem to me as if you're doing anything wrong at all; you just might not have encountered other men with the same values as your crush. Don't worry about the sex yet. Just keep doing what you're doing and see what happens.
- Mallory Long is a senior studying journalism and women's and gender studies. Ask her your questions about sex and love in the culture section of thepost.ohiou.edu, at postpillowtalk@gmail.com or follow Pillow Talk on Twitter at @post_pillowtalk.
3 Culture
Mallory Long
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