Hello,
It's really hard for me to enjoy sexual relations unless I'm really drunk and I totally let loose. Could it be because I'm with the wrong partners? Please help!
Signed,
Sexually Frustrated
Sexually Frustrated,
While it's incredibly possible that you are with the wrong partners, I think another reason you think you can only engage in sexual activity when you're drunk might be more an issue of self-confidence than performance.
As most college students know, drinking makes a person less inhibited, and many drinking situations often end in hooking up. Since you said you only enjoy sexual activity when you've been drinking, it would seem that there is something about sex that makes you uncomfortable, causing you to partake only when you are feeling less inhibited.
The key to finding satisfaction in your sexual relationships is to decide what about your sexual situations makes you uncomfortable. Does your sexual activity involve random partners or are you steadily having relations with the same person? If you're hooking up with people you don't know very well or have just met, you might want to reconsider your behavior. Sex is an intimate experience, regardless of the relationship between the participants, and some people are more comfortable hooking up with strangers than with others. Perhaps you would be more comfortable hooking up while sober if you knew the person very well.
While some might say a person should not engage in random hookups
I won't. Although hooking up with people you don't know can be dangerous on many levels, including possible contraction of an STI, improper use of contraceptives or trouble giving consent (remember that legally you cannot give consent to sexual activity while intoxicated), I know it is unrealistic to expect young adults, especially those who are partially or completely intoxicated, to abstain.
That doesn't mean, however, that you have to engage in sexual activity when you're drinking. You should soberly decide what kind of sexual activity you are comfortable with and stick to your guns. You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable, even if you think you're OK with it when you're drunk.
If none of that applies to you and you have a steady sexual partner, you might just not be ready to engage in certain sex acts. Again, decide while sober how far you want to go, and be vocal about what you want. Anyone you are with should respect your decision about how far is far enough. 3
Culture
Mallory Long
