When it comes to music, I have little in the way of discernible talent.
I can't sing, play Chopsticks or even whistle Dixie. What meager abilities I do have are threefold. First, I can play the kazoo - so can everyone else. Second, I can pluck all three notes of Louie Louie. And third, I honk when I blow my nose. This is only semi-musical, like a cross between a trumpet and a duck - or a duck being savagely beaten with a trumpet.
Tonal-impairment notwithstanding, I have learned quite a bit while observing our local music scene. Having so observed, I thought I might offer my advice to potential acts, because despite my lack of abilities, I have the very sound qualification of knowing this one dude who's in a band.
When forming a group, the first thing you need is a kick-ass band name. However, a warning: The name Free Beer has been utilized so many times as to be untenable, not to mention that fans always come away disappointed, no matter how good the performance. That aside, there really is no established way to come up with a name, though if all else fails you can simply string unrelated words together. Example: The Chester A. Arthur Submersible Wax Carbuncle Replica Experience Ltd. It may sound strange, but Beck won three Grammy's writing songs that way.
After coming up with a name, it is usually good to have some music to play. Learning a few covers is always a good strategy. They engage the crowd and fill out sets for start-up bands still building their repertoires. However, try to avoid common cover-song faux pas. Thrash bands should not cover Beatles songs, especially Eleanor Rigby and Blackbird. Similarly, acoustic trios would do well to steer clear of Rammstein. No one should ever cover Celine Dion for any reason, upon pain of death. And all punk bands that play up-tempo cover songs should immediately disband, as that genre is completely saturated.
As for original material, there are as many songs topics as plastic cups on Palmer Street, but a sure-fire winner is, of course, masturbation. The success stories are numerous. Turning Japanese
Dancing with Myself, Blister in the Sun, Canon in D, and Whip it are all about masturbation and all are incredibly popular - still no word on whether they'll make you go blind though.
