So this is my last column for the The Post.
I bet you are really sad because my columns are so awesome and you decided to drop your textbook in the middle of preparation for finals next week just to read my last column.
What’s that? Narcissist? No…
OK, joking aside, I get really emotional these days watching seniors holding a graduation gown and a cap in their hands and shouting to their friends: “I feel so smart!” I’m a graduate student, so… been there, done that.
Graduation season is a magical time. You suddenly start to treasure the things you have been taking for granted – every bit of memory, since the day you move in, starts to flow back as you empty the place you have been calling home for the past four years; you even begin to like the things or people you did not appreciate – you start a conversation voluntarily with the girl you secretly hated so much and would never talk to, and you think: “I’m gonna miss talking behind your back”; as for the things or people you have always loved, it’s the moment that you realize how much they mean to you.
But the feeling that trumps all, at least for me, is confusion. I wasn’t so confused last year when I graduated from college because I knew I was going to stay in school and work toward a masters degree. So after graduation I worked for a month as a TOEFL writing teacher, earned enough for a plane ticket, waved goodbye to my parents and dearest friends, and flew halfway across the earth all the way to Athens.
Now that I have finished most of my classes and am about to graduate (again and for good), panic attacks.
Great thing about being in school is that there is always a syllabus for each class. You know where you are going with each day, when the assignment is due. The professor still treats you like a human and always smiles at you even though she or he sees you text during class. We’re not as sneaky as we think.
But for life outside school, you are going to have to write a schedule on your own, and take full responsibility for it. And chances are, changes take place so often that you don’t even know where to begin writing a plan.
So, I’ll admit, I am confused as to where I am going from here and what kind of life I want to pursue. I get so anxious that I just want to fast-forward my life and see how future me is doing so that I could come back and make the right decision (or avoid the wrong one, if future me is doing terribly).
So for those who are as confused as I am, and who are control freaks that need a plan as much as I do, maybe it is for the best just to live the heck out of your life at the moment, put an effort in your current work and see where life takes you.
I am ending my last column with a quote from the Sandusky scandal reporter Sara Ganim when she was visiting OU. When asked how to get the dream job after graduation, she answered: “Trust me, you don’t want your dream job now. At the age of 21, 22, you don’t want a peek”.
Oh, almost forgot, congratulations, graduating Bobcats!
Bixi Tian is a graduate student studying journalism and a columnist for The Post. Email her at bt121511@ohiou.edu.
