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Textual Relations: Cheaters leave digital trail

As texting, Twitter and Facebook make it easier to connect with others, cheating in relationships becomes more accessible, but also more likely to be exposed.

Although some communication outlets have helped solidify relationships, the digital trails left behind are sometimes hazardous - as with the recent examples of reality star Jesse James and professional golfer Tiger Woods.

James, who is married to Oscar-winner Sandra Bullock, and Woods, wed to supermodel Elin Nordegren, were both caught in webs of infidelity when their mistresses showed technological evidence of their cheating.

Celebrities aren't the only ones who cheat, nor are they the only ones who can prevent these situations.

Defining cheating

Many college students find it acceptable to label relationships as Facebook official and leave it at that, said Claire Kamp Dush, an assistant professor at Ohio State University and demographer who studies intimate relationships.

But boundaries need to be set and understood by both individuals from the very beginning of the relationship, Dush said, adding that categories such as monogamous and open relationships can mean different things to different people.

If the relationship isn't defined, one person might perceive the other is cheating, when his or her partner does not perceive the act as cheating. New forms of communication don't help when relationship boundaries are lacking.

I think technology has masked good communication. I find out more from a person by looking at them straight in the eye and by having that face-to-face conversation

said Charlene Kopchick, assistant dean of students.

Why people cheat is debatable, but experts say poor communication is often the foundation.

People cheat in the first place when they're not satisfied in the relationship for some reason. I think they cheat whenever there is not a high level of trust Kamp Dush said. They might not know how to express that they are unhappy.

Communication needs to be expressed in and out of the bedroom to prevent cheating, Kopchick said.

Intimacy and infidelity

In addition to communication, intimacy and shared values are essential components of successful relationships, Kopchick said.

Kopchick defined two kinds of intimacy: physical and emotional. Although people tend to think of cheating as being physically intimate with someone other than a partner, emotional intimacies can be just as devastating.

Intellectual intimacy can happen in a study group for work or class, and recreational intimacy can form from sporting events such as intramural teams, she said.

 I would be more upset if my boyfriend was 'talking' to someone than if he hooked up with someone said Courtney Wineland, a freshman studying psychology.

'Talking' usually refers to the stages before a romantic relationship that can include flirty text or phone conversations. People in this stage tend to open up to another person as more than a friend.

Kopchick said these kinds of intimacies work as long as people are willing to accept those friendships and emotional intimacies, and it doesn't take away from the partner relationships. Still, people can get angry and jealous.

I would suggest don't assume that your partner knows what you are thinking or can read your mind

Kamp Dush said. You have to get over the fact that you want him or her to just know

and you need to say it; say when you're not happy about something and talk it out.

Partners in relationships should regularly examine the levels of trust and dialogue because that can show if the situation is unhealthy and might not be worth continuing.

Because the attitudes have become more liberal

we probably are more accepting of cheating and more willing to forgive somebody who violates their codes

Kamp Dush said.

When you're not married

I have hard a time understanding why you're going to really work hard on that relationship when cheating happens. I would suggest that you move on to the next

relationship and try to form a healthy relationship with someone who respects and loves you

she said.

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