Since my graduation from high school three years ago, a plethora of chums and friendly acquaintances have made the decision to get hitched. Some are waiting (and waiting and waiting) until the big day, while others are jumping right in, pre- or post-kids.
I come from a small town in Ohio where it's not all that unusual for people to marry early and focus on family rather than career advancement or personal growth. But for me, the idea of marriage before my college graduation is a problem.
I first want to preface this column by saying I am not so cynical that I don't think marriages at an early age work. They do. And I wish my friends who have decided to take that next step in life all the best. Marriage, however, is just not in the immediate forecast for me.
My objection to kids and marriage at the age of 21 is not a moral one. My religious beliefs or values do not prohibit it. I simply do not understand why anyone would desire marriage and children when they are barely out of their teens.
First of all, why do so many people feel the need to get engaged immediately after graduating from high school, only to wait four or five years to actually get married? Long engagements are false promises, much like the idiotic promise ring theory that filtered through hallways during senior year. Both provide an invisible, unrealistic security blanket for couples. When I was 18 years old, I couldn't promise that I wouldn't move away to college and meet someone else. I also couldn't promise that my idea of the perfect man wouldn't change drastically from the guy to whom I was promised.
After another dear friend's engagement was announced this December, my utter confusion on this subject hit its peak. Our annual New Year's Eve party rolled around, normally a night of revelry among lifelong friends, and, instead of celebrating our independence and youth, everyone gushed about wedding plans and starter homes. Not only did I have zero input for these topics, but I also was bored. There were no fun games and jokes between friends. No cheers for another year of excitement and surprise vacations. No one even paid attention to the ball dropping.
At this point, I think I'm one of few friends who is more intent on seeing the world than starting a family. For me, settling down is a scary thought, not a comforting one. Maybe I've become disillusioned about real life by spending too much time watching the MTV reality show Rich Girls
living vicariously through Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher's simple lifestyles of travel and shopping. I know I want to travel and see the world without having any strings attached. I know I crave independence, at least, for a little while. I guess, put simply, I feel I'm too young and selfish to handle the role of wife.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment that shouldn't be entered into lightly. Too many people I know have rushed into married life because they enjoy the idea of a dream wedding and honeymoon, without discussing what their lives will be like after marriage. It's not all about picking out a dress and china pattern. It takes responsibility and commitment. Children need - and very much deserve - 100 percent of their parents' attention. Building a marriage and raising a family is hard enough, financially and emotionally, without throwing college loan payments and unreliable first jobs into the mix.
I know I have my whole life ahead of me to settle down and raise a family, so right now I am doing what makes me happy before I need to be responsible for someone else's happiness. There is nothing wrong with changing your path and being adventurous in life. Take time to find out whom you want to be before you become one-half of a couple. 17
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Casey Clapper
