The box said Cherry Cordial and the model on the front sported a sleek, brilliantly red mane.
Wandering the aisles of Wal-Mart at 11 p.m. with two of my closest gal pals, I decided to buy it. I had just found myself newly single a few days before, I thought a change of appearance would be a great way to put myself back on the dating market.
In the past, I'd cut my hair or added highlights to mark the end of the relationship. The thought of having dangerously red hair thrilled me. I imagined passing ex-boyfriends on the street ' their eyes following me, their jaws dropping.
The result was somewhat different than the fantasy. Two hours later, I emerged from the girls' bathroom and unveiled the finished product to a crowd of friends waiting in the mod. Instead of getting my dream hair color, the dye had turned my towel ' and my hair ' purple. And to make matters worse the dye wasn't even, so I ended up with purple and strawberry blonde stripes. Not quite as sexy as I had hoped.
Although I might have taken the post-breakup cleansing process to a new level, it is a pretty common phenomenon. College students are particularly innovative when it comes to developing ways to cope with a bruised ego. While there are always the old standbys of the random rebound hookup and the I just got dumped drinking binge, there are other options less likely to give you an itchy disease or require your friends to drag you home, drunk and inconsolable.
One of my personal favorites is the video game binge. After girlfriends drop that bombshell, the binger will lock himself away in his bedroom with a computer, an X-Box or a PSP (or all three if he's really crushed) and some Cheetos for sustenance.
After several days, he will emerge, unshowered and glassy-eyed. To cope with his anger, he has beaten Call of Duty four times in three days, taking his anger out on the Nazis instead of his ex. By the time the joystick blisters on his thumbs heal, he'll be back to normal.
The female counterpart to this is the chick-flick binge. The dumped girl will lock herself in her room with a box of chocolates and a stack of DVDs. After several days of crying and throwing things at the screen every time Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks kiss and live happily ever after, her faith in romance will be restored (or she'll realize that she needs to wash her hair) and she'll emerge from the room.
For those who prefer not to sacrifice sunlight while mourning the death of a relationship, spending money is a common ritual. We tend to think that having cool stuff will make us more appealing to our next potential mate, not considering that we will end up both single and broke. Boys tend to buy electronics like computer equipment, guitar amps or stereo equipment. This is one thing that I've never understood ' do you really think blasting that $200 subwoofer while you're speeding down Court Street is going to attract the ladies?
Girls tend to do their post-breakup spending on clothes. This usually involves a day trip to Easton with a gal pal that knows exactly what the dumped is going through and one that has an eye for fashion. They'll chat, load up their credit card bills and congratulate themselves on spending six hours walking around the mall burning calories when they haven't been to Ping in months.
Usually, they leave with a couple of Victoria's Secret bags, a slutty shirt from Forever 21 and a pair of $120 Steve Madden sandals. (Again, I don't understand: If the boys are paying that much attention to your feet, you should spend some time and money on other body parts.)
In the end, my post-breakup ritual cost me a bottle of shampoo and a $120 trip to the salon to fix the damage done. I figured out that I needed to find a way to cope with breakups that didn't involve my hair or my wallet.
The lesson? Even if a breakup is something to cry over, it certainly shouldn't be something to dye over.
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Casey Westlake
